Fun Stuff...Off Topic(O/T)

[Peter Hansen]

Oh yeah i believe him lol

A
DAMN FINE EXPLANATION


The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love
to a very attractive young woman.

And
she was somewhat upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How
dare you do this to me - a faithful wife, the mother of your children!
I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!'


And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute love so at
least I can tell you what happened.' 'Fine, go ahead,' she sobbed,' but
they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'

And the husband began - 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive
home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down
and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the
car.

I noticed that she was 20 very

thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten
for three days.

So, in my compassion,
I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last
night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on
weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.


Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and
while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of
holes, so I threw them away.

Then, as
she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for
a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight.
I
also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you
don't wear because I don't have good taste.


I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas
that you don't wear just t o annoy her, and I also donated those boots
you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at
work has a pair the same.'

The

husband took a quick breath and
Continued
-

'She
was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to
the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, 'Please ..
Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't
use?'

[IIC]

A
DAMN FINE EXPLANATION


The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love
to a very attractive young woman.

And
she was somewhat upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How
dare you do this to me - a faithful wife, the mother of your children!
I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!'


And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute love so at
least I can tell you what happened.' 'Fine, go ahead,' she sobbed,' but
they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'

And the husband began - 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive
home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down
and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the
car.

I noticed that she was 20 very

thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten
for three days.

So, in my compassion,
I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last
night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on
weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.


Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and
while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of
holes, so I threw them away.

Then, as
she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for
a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight.
I
also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you
don't wear because I don't have good taste.


I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas
that you don't wear just t o annoy her, and I also donated those boots
you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at
work has a pair the same.'

The

husband took a quick breath and
Continued
-

'She
was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to
the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, 'Please ..
Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't
use?'

Wait a minute...The exact same thing happened to me w/ my first wife...You promised you wouldn't tell

[Peter Hansen]

IIC You are a funny guy

IIC you have to laugh once in awhile ....it is such a crazy world out there !
Carry ON .......PETER!

[Peter Hansen]

Semper fi

Former Marine Pilot Involved in Shooting

Plantation, FL -- Last week police were called to investigate an attempted armed robbery:

The 71-year-old retired Marine who opened fire on two robbers at a Plantation, FL, Subway shop late Wednesday, killing one and critically wounding the other, is described as John Lovell, a former helicopter pilot for two presidents. He doesn't drink, he doesn't smoke, and he works out everyday. Mr. Lovell was a man of action Wednesday night.

According to Plantation police, two masked gunmen came into the Subway at 1949 N. Pine Rd. just after 11 p.m. There was a lone diner, Mr. Lovell, who was finishing his meal. After robbing the cashier, the two men attempted to shove Mr. Lovell into a bathroom and rob him as well. They got his money, but then Mr. Lovell pulled his handgun and opened fire. He shot one of the thieves in the head and chest and the other in the head.

When police arrived, they found one of the men in the shop, K-9 Units found the other in the bushes of a nearby business. They also found cash strewn around the front of the sandwich shop according to Detective Robert Rettig of the Plantation Police Department.

Both men were taken to the Broward General Medical Center, where one, Donicio Arrindell, 22, of North Lauderdale died. The other, 21-year-old Frederick Gadson of Fort Lauderdale is in critical but stable condition.

A longtime friend of Lovell was not surprised to hear what happened. The friend said, ''He'd give you the shirt off his back, but he'd be mad as hell if someone tried to take the shirt off his back.'' Mr. Lovell was a pilot in the Marine Corps, flying former Presidents John F. Kennedy and Lyndon B. Johnson. He later worked as a pilot for Pan Am and Delta.

He is not expected to be charged authorities said. ''He was in fear for his life,'' Detective Rettig said, "These criminals ought to realize that most men in their 70's have military backgrounds and aren't intimidated by idiots.".......""

Something tells me this old Marine wasn't 'in fear for his life', even though his life was definitely at risk. The only thing he could be charged with is participating in an unfair fight. One 71 - year young Marine against two punks. Two head shots and one center body mass shot - Outstanding shooting! That'll teach them not to get between a Marine and his meal..

Don't you just love a story with a happy ending?

Florida law allows eligible citizens to carry a concealed weapon. Every State should.
(TEXAS does . )

[IIC]

HOW TO BE A GRACIOUS BITCH

Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement..................... Not even her parent's nasty divorce...


Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best dressed mother of the bride ever!

A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother!

Jennifer asked her father's new young wife to exchange it, but she refused.


'Absolutely not, I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it,' she replied...

Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, 'Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day.'

A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress.
When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, 'Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it.

Her mother just smiled and replied, 'Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding!

NOW I ASK YOU - IS THERE A WOMAN OUT THERE, ANYWHERE, WHO WOULDN'T ENJOY THIS STORY

[Odysseus]

I just had to post this, I found it really funny. You have to read the article to understand



7 WTF Military Weapons You Won't Believe They Actually Built

http://www.cracked.com/article_17366_7-wtf-military-weapons-you-wont-believe-they-actually-built.html

[IIC]

DEAR ABBY ADMITTED SHE WAS AT A LOSS TO ANSWER THE FOLLOWING:

Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together, and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?

Dear Abby,
What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence on my VCR?


Dear Abby, I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.


Dear Abby,
I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.


Dear Abby, I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.


Dear Abby,
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?


Dear Abby,
I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?


Dear Abby,
My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.


Dear Abby,
I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.


Dear Abby,
My mother is mean and short tempered I think she is going through mental pause.


Dear Abby,
You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?

Remember, these people can vote!!

[Peter Hansen]

Free !!

FREE, Aha I knew I would get your attention, but seriously check out this "Meditation Timer" Nice soft music in the background while you work on the computer!

http://www.attractorgenie.com/news/freemeditation.php

[Peter Hansen]

ODY This One Is Real

I just had to post this, I found it really funny. You have to read the article to understand



7 WTF Military Weapons You Won't Believe They Actually Built

http://www.cracked.com/article_17366...lly-built.html

Ody this Gentle Persuader is the real McCoy .......awesome weapon!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0XYTdNxLIg

[billyjoe]

Pete,
I won't break into that guy's house.

---------------billy

[Peter Hansen]

Billie The Perfect Pirate Solution.

Ody this Gentle Persuader is the real McCoy .......awesome weapon!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0XYTdNxLIg

Billie all ships that enter the pirate waters should have one guy from Black Water with his Auto Shotgun .....Those Mother F***** pirates would not know what hit them LOL

[billyjoe]

Billie all ships that enter the pirate waters should have one guy from Black Water with his Auto Shotgun .....Those Mother F***** pirates would not know what hit them LOL

It would be over before it hit the news.

-----------billy

[Odysseus]

Peter, that is awesome !

First gun my dad handed me was a double barrel shotgun.... loved to shoot it. Nothin' like that weapon though

[Peter Hansen]

Ody

I have a Mossberg Pump Action Shotgun and my brother has a semi auto Baretta.....The Baretta is really a nice gun ....the wood stock is amazing . Those Italians sure knew how to make a gun like a work of art!

[Peter Hansen]

Heimlich Maneuver "HILLBILLY" Style

Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whiskey, they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?'

The woman shakes her head no.

Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'

The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar.

His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver', but I ain't never seed nobody do it!'