Fun Stuff...Off Topic(O/T)

[Phoenix7]

Phoenix, Funny "Are you lonesome tonight?" was on the list. Just today I listened to another version rarely heard. Please listen to the end to grasp the full meaning of the song.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EclQVQGqnZ0

----------------billy

Billy thanx .......I will pass this on to some of my friends! Funny with many lines that scream out the truth!

[riverbabe]

A 2016 Church Service
> (somewhere else we
> hope)
>
> PASTOR : "Praise the Lord!"
> CONGREGATION :
> Hallelujah!"
>
> PASTOR: "Will everyone please turn on their tablet,
> PC, iPad, smart phone, and Kindle Bibles to 1
> Corinthians,
> 13:13.
> And please switch on your Bluetooth to download the
> sermon."
> P-a-u-s-e......
> "Now, Let us pray committing this
> week into God's hands. Open your Apps, BBM,
> Twitter and Facebook,
> and chat with
>
> God"
>
> S-i-l-e-n-c-e
>
> "As we take our Sunday tithes and
> offerings, please have
> your credit and debit cards
> ready."
> "You can log on to the church
> Wi-Fi using the password
> 'Lord909887.'
> >>
> >> The ushers will circulate
> mobile card swipe machines among the
> worshipers
>
> a. Those who prefer to
> make electronic fund
> transfers are directed to computers and laptops
> at the rear of the
> church.
> b. Those who prefer to use iPads can open
> them.
>
> c. Those who prefer telephone banking,
> take out your cell phones to transfer your
> contributions to the
> church account.
> The atmosphere of the Church becomes truly
> electrified as ALL the smart phones, iPads, PCs
> and laptops beep and
> flicker!
>
> Final Blessing and Closing Announcements.
> a. This week's
> ministry cell meetings will
> be held on the various Facebook group pages
> where the usual group
> chatting takes place. Please log in and
> don't miss
>
> out.
>
>
>
> b.
> Thursday's Bible study will be held live on Skype at
> 1900hrs GMT. Please don't miss out.
>
> c.
> You can follow your Pastor on Twitter this weekend for
> counselling and prayers. God bless and
> have a nice
> day. And
> Jesus
> wept...
>

[riverbabe]

>
> The Newfoundland
> Fisherman
>
>
> A boat was docked in a
> tiny Newfoundland fishing village.
> A tourist from Toronto
> complimented the Newfie fisherman
> on the quality of his
> fish and asked how long it took him to catch
> them.
> 'Not very long,'
> answered the Newfie.
> 'But then why
> didn't you stay out longer and catch more?' asked
> the Torontonian.
> The Newfie explained that
> his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those
> of his family.
> The Torontonian asked,
> 'But what do you do with the rest of your
> time?'
> 'I sleep late, fish a
> little, spend time with my children, and take an afternoon
> nap with my wife.
> In the evenings, I go
> into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play
> the guitar,
> and sing a few songs... I
> have a full life', replied the Newfie.
> The Torontonian
> interrupted, 'I have an MBA from Queen's University
> and I can help you!
> You should start by
> fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish
> you catch.
> With the extra revenue,
> you can buy a bigger boat.'
> 'And after that?'
> asked the Newfie.
> 'With the extra money
> the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a
> third one and
> so on until you have an
> entire fleet. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man,
> you can then
> negotiate directly with
> the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant.
>
> You can then leave this
> little village and move to St John 's, Halifax , or even
> Toronto !
> From there you can direct
> your huge new enterprise.'
> 'How long would that
> take?' asked the Newfie.
> 'Twenty, perhaps
> twenty-five years,' replied the
> Torontonian.
> 'And after that?'
> asked the Newfie.
> 'Afterwards? Well, my
> friend, that's when it gets really interesting,'
> answered the Torontonian.
> 'When your business
> gets really big, you can start selling stocks and make
> millions!'
> 'Millions? Really?
> And after that?' asked the Newfie.
> 'After that
> you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near
> the coast, sleep late,
> spend time with your
> children, catch a few fish, take an afternoon nap with your
> wife,
> and spend time in the
> evenings enjoying a few drinks with your
> friends.'
> Moral of this story
> :
> Know where you're
> going in life... you may already be there.

[billyjoe]

Some celebrities" kids turn out okay: https://news.artnet.com/people/julia...m_medium=email

-------------billy

[Phoenix7]

FUNNY One Liners:

How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.

Born free, taxed to death.

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened.

What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.

My birth certificate was a letter of apology that my dad got from the condom company

What did the psychiatrist say to the naked man?
Well, I can clearly see your nuts.

What you get when you cross a donkey with an onion.
A piece of ass that will bring a tear to your eye.

What is red and bad for your teeth?
A brick!

[Phoenix7]

Very poignant ad from Duracell .....NOT to be missed!
Scroll down past the first ad to see the commercial Click on the girl with bear: http://americanmilitarynews.com/2015...mercials-ever/

[Phoenix7]

After a tough day in the stock market .....How about a few jokes?

I realize that many of the following jokes are sophomoric and juvenile , but hey they are FUNNY! LOL

This morning on the way to work I drove into the back of a car, at some lights, whilst not really paying attention.
The driver got out and he was a dwarf.
He said, "I'm not happy."
I replied, "Well, which one are you then?"

Whoever thought I wanted a career ? T urns out I just wanted paychecks.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

Some people say “If you can’t beat them, join them”. I say “If you can’t beat them, beat them”, because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.

We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.

I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

I have never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don’t listen, they don’t come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they’re home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

Girls are like roads, more the curves, more the dangerous they are

Do you realize that in about 40 years, we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He’ll shut up once you let him in.

The best thing about living at the beach is that you only have assholes on three sides of you.

Whoever said money does not grow on trees ...never sold weed.

Who wants to dress up in a bear costume and destroy the tents of people waiting outside of stores on Black Friday?

[Phoenix7]

"A MOST UNUSUAL DUO! "

Fantastic Not To Be Missed!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZsNlcr4frs4&sns=em

[Phoenix7]

Let's slow down the pace and listen to some sweet songs that will make your weekend!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7wfYIMyS_dI&sns=em

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8XXcDUrdVk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5yRgiXh2fP4

[billyjoe]

Phoenix, Thanks, I like Enya.

----------billy

[Phoenix7]

Too much turmoil in the world .......time to laugh!

Cowboy: "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."
Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"
Cowboy: "Nah.. She's purty good lookin'....."

I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She said,
"If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."


I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts
"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday."

I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table. I said, "Good legs."
The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so."
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

you can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.

Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance?

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.

Hurricanes are like women: when they come, they're wet and wild, but when they leave they take your house and car.

Ham and Eggs: A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.

To find out a girl's faults, praise her to her girlfriends.

[Phoenix7]

VERY MOVING TRIBUTE TO 19 FALLEN MARINES!

Folks unless you are made of stone this video will effect you. After watching the video all I can say is SEMPER FI! https://www.youtube.com/embed/C6f_FvZpm3g

[Louetta]

Interesting feature from Forbes on the richest person in each of the 50 states. Some are predictable (four Waltons who happen to live in different states) and tend to be boring but some are really cool. Did you know the richest man in Idaho never got past the 8th grade but now sells 1/3 of all the frozen french fries sold in the US? I didn't.

http://www3.forbes.com/lists/the-richest-person-in-every-state/?utm_campaign=richest-by-state&utm_source=taboola&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=theweatherchannel

[riverbabe]

Wow Louetta, that was fascinating!

[mimo_100]

Part II: 10 Poorest Cities in America (How did it happen?)
City, State, % of People Below the Poverty Level
1. Detroit, MI 32.5%
2. Buffalo, NY 29.9%
3. Cincinnati, OH 27.8%
4. Cleveland, OH 27.0%
5. Miami, FL 26.9%
6. St. Louis, MO 26.8%
7. El Paso, TX 26.4%
8. Milwaukee, WI 26.2%
9. Philadelphia, PA 25.1%
10. Newark, NJ 24.2%

What do the top ten cities (over 250,000 pop.) with the highest poverty rate all have in common?

Detroit, MI - (1st on the poverty rate list) hasn't elected a Republican mayor since 1961
Buffalo, NY - (2nd) hasn't elected one since 1954
Cincinnati, OH - (3rd) not since 1984
Cleveland, OH - (4th) not since 1989
Miami, FL - (5th) has never had a Republican mayor
St. Louis, MO - (6th) not since 1949
El Paso, TX - (7th) has never had a Republican mayor
Milwaukee, WI - (8th) not since 1908
Philadelphia, PA - (9th) not since 1952
Newark, NJ - (10th) not since 1907
Einstein once said, 'The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.'
It is the poor who habitually elect Democrats... yet they are still POOR.


Part III:
"You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich.
You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift.
You cannot lift the wage earner up by pulling the wage payer down.
You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred.
You cannot build character and courage by taking away people's initiative and independence.
You cannot help people permanently by doing for them, what they could and should do for themselves."
~Abraham Lincoln
"Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the government take care of him had better take a closer look at the American Indian."
~Henry Ford