Tweet
My Dear Friends,
I have been watching very closely to see if you have been good this year. Because you have, I had planned to tell my elves to bring you some of the goodies they made, for me to leave under your Christmas tree.
I was going to bring you all gifts from the 12 days of Christmas, but we had a few unexpected problems.
The 12 fiddlers fiddling have all come down with VD from fiddling with the 10 ladies dancing,
The 11 lords leaping have knocked up the 8 maids a-milking, and the 9 pipers piping have been arrested for doing weird things to the 7 swans a-swimming.
The 6 geese a-laying, 4 calling birds, 3 French hens, 2 turtle doves, and the partridge in a pear tree, have me up to my sled runners in bird shit!
On top of all this, Mrs. Claus is going through menopause, 8 of my reindeer are in heat, the elves have joined the gay liberation, and some of you who can't read a calendar, have scheduled Christmas for the 5th of January.
Maybe next year I will be able to get my shit together and bring you the things you want. But for this year, better get your asses down to Walmart before everything is gone!
Love,
Santa
I have been watching very closely to see if you have been good this year. Because you have, I had planned to tell my elves to bring you some of the goodies they made, for me to leave under your Christmas tree.
I was going to bring you all gifts from the 12 days of Christmas, but we had a few unexpected problems.
The 12 fiddlers fiddling have all come down with VD from fiddling with the 10 ladies dancing,
The 11 lords leaping have knocked up the 8 maids a-milking, and the 9 pipers piping have been arrested for doing weird things to the 7 swans a-swimming.
The 6 geese a-laying, 4 calling birds, 3 French hens, 2 turtle doves, and the partridge in a pear tree, have me up to my sled runners in bird shit!
On top of all this, Mrs. Claus is going through menopause, 8 of my reindeer are in heat, the elves have joined the gay liberation, and some of you who can't read a calendar, have scheduled Christmas for the 5th of January.
Maybe next year I will be able to get my shit together and bring you the things you want. But for this year, better get your asses down to Walmart before everything is gone!
Love,
Santa
Comment