Fun Stuff...Off Topic(O/T)

[Peter Hansen]

A Walmart Senior Greeter!

Subject: WAL-MART SENIOR GREETER


You never know what someone's story is going to be.

You have to appreciate this one.

WAL-MART SENIOR GREETER






Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies.


One day the boss called him into the office for a talk. "Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job,but you're being late so often is quite bothersome."


"Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it."


"Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear.
It's odd though your coming in late. I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say if you came in late there?"

(scroll down..... .............)






"They said, "Good morning, Admiral, can I get your coffee, sir?"





One of my favorite stories, ever!

[Karel]

Big Brother is listening to you

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the US auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black box voice recorders in four-wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.

They were surprised to find in 44 of the 50 states the recorded last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, "Oh, SHIT!" Only the states of Oklahoma, Tennessee, Arkansas, Alabama and Texas were different. There, 89.3 percent of the final words were: "Hold my beer and watch this."

[billyjoe]

Karel,
And the funniest part is that it's a true story!

------------billy

[billyjoe]

I bought a battery from Walmart that says "we replace it free within 2 years".
Took it to local auto parts store they checked it and said "it's dead". Took battery to Walmart but found I had forgotten receipt. Got receipt, put it in wallet. Had to take in daughter's car for tire repair. Went to Walmart. I had receipt but now battery was in my car, not daughter's. Next day I had the battery and the receipt. Drove right by Walmart and forgot to stop. I'm not driving back 10 miles today. Don't laugh, some day you'll get old and wise too!

--------------billy

[Peter Hansen]

Bill Crawford The Janitor

Great Story

http://www.homeofheroes.com/profiles/profiles_crawford_10lessons.html

[Peter Hansen]

The Zippered Skirt!

As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on,

she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to
come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus
driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little,
thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg
She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't.

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached
behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the
second time attempted the step.

Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.
With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind
to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing
behind her picked her up easily by the waist
and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled

'How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!'


The Texan smiled and drawled,
'Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you,
but after you unzipped my fly three times,
I kinda figured we were friends.'

[Karel]

Well, I guess it's time for a joke!

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties. The first man had married a woman from Pennsylvania, and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed done at their house. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from Indiana. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a girl from Texas. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher, and telephone a landscaper.

[Peter Hansen]

Karel

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties. The first man had married a woman from Pennsylvania, and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed done at their house. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from Indiana. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a girl from Texas. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher, and telephone a landscaper.

Karel not bad ..........but keep your day job LOL

[Peter Hansen]

American idol all the way !

With Talent On Loan From God LOL

http://www.bitoffun.com/video_vault/sexy-talent-amy-g.htm

[Peter Hansen]

How was model t built?

Absolutely fascinating video and narrative on how the car was built......you will enjoy it even if you are not big on cars!

http://www.youtube.com/swf/l.swf?video_id=S4KrIMZpwCY

[Peter Hansen]

MY Italian Friend Sells Cars

FUNNY STUFF LOL

http://www.in.com/videos/watchvideo-my-italian-friend-sells-cars-9108165.html

[riverbabe]

A clean one!

The Girlfriends' Dinner

A group of 15-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Dairy Queen next to the Oceanview restaurant because they had only $6.00 among them and Jimmy Johnson, the cute boy in Social studies, lived on that street.

10 years later, the group of 25-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the beer was cheap, the restaurant offered free snacks, the band was good, there was no cover and there were lots of cute guys.

10 years later, the group of 35-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the cosmos were good, it was right near the gym and, if they went late enough, there wouldn't be too many whiny little kids.

10 years later, the group of 45-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the martinis were big and the waiters had tight pants and nice buns.

10 years later, the group of 55-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the prices were reasonable, the wine list was good, the restaurant had windows that opened (in case of a hot flashes), and fish is good for cholesterol.

10 years later, the group of 65-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the lighting was good and the restaurant had an early bird special.

10 years later, the group of 75-years-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food was not too spicy and the restaurant was handicapped-accessible.

10 years later, the group of 85-years-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been there before.

[IIC]

Man sitting at home on the verandah with his wife and he says, "I love you."

She asks, "Is that you or the beer talking?"


He replies, "It's me............. talking to the beer."

[Peter Hansen]

Gee What Is A Bucket Seat?

Eureka .......I have the answer!

The mystery of the bucket seat ......SOLVED!

http://www.emailjokez.com/more/46090_What-is-a-Bucket-seat.htm

[billyjoe]

Here's a mennonite produce and flower auction I go to regularly. If I could figure out how to sell 5000 melons in my front yard in 3 days I'd be rich. Sometimes they go for 50 cents each, watermelons too! But the quantity is often ridiculous.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QFR4y4kmy74

--------------billy