Fun Stuff...Off Topic(O/T)

[Peter Hansen]

Classic Cars & Hot Girls

Classic cars and hot girls .....perfect together!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7ml5X2-KTA&feature=related

[billyjoe]

If you like the Beatles you'll be amazed at this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h5HK1uBdvGA

-------------billy

[Peter Hansen]

The Man Of The House!

Tony

had just finished reading a new book entitled,

'You Can
Be THE Man of

Your House.'

He stormed to his

wife in the kitchen and announced, 'From now on, you need to

know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You

will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm

finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert.

After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we

will have the kind of sex that I want.
Afterwards, you are

going to draw me a bath so I can relax.
You will

wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then,

you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess

who's going to dress me and comb my hair?'



His Sicilian wife

Gina replied, 'The fu***** funeral director

would be my first guess.'

[Mkcord]

I think you meant Missouri!

MIZ ZOU

[billyjoe]

We need a Kate Smith today: http://www.israpundit.com/archives/3...8e57bb39ba8d,0


I'll bet she could have whipped bin laden's a** in a bare knuckles smackdown.

------------billy

[Peter Hansen]

Mind game unbelievable

MIND GAME


2% or 98%

This is strange...can you figure it out?

Are you the 2% or 98% of the population?

Follow the instructions! NO PEEKING AHEAD!

* Do the following exercise, guaranteed to raise an eyebrow.

* There's no trick or surprise.

* Just follow these instructions, and answer the questions one at a time and as quickly as you can!
* Again, as quickly as you can but don't advance until you've done each of them .. really.



* Now, scroll down (but not too fast, you might miss something).














Think of a number from 1 to 10





































Multiply that number by 9












































!


If the number is a 2-digit number, add the digits together












































Now subtract 5















































Determine which letter in the alphabet corresponds to the number you ended up with

(example: 1=a, 2=B, 3=c,etc.)













































Think of a country that starts with that letter










































Remember the last letter of the name of that country


















































Think of the name of an animal that starts with that letter
















































Remember the last letter in the name of that animal



















!



























Think of the name of a fruit that starts with that letter
















































! ; Are you thinking of a Kangaroo in Denmark eating an Orange ?



I told you this was FREAKY!! If not, you're among the 2% of the population whose minds are different enough to think of something else. 98% of people will answer with kangaroos in Denmark when given this exercise. Keep this message going. This one is actually worth sending on to others. Forward it to people you know so they can find out if they are usual or unusual.

[peanuts]

Djibouti, Ibis, Strawberry

[IIC]

The pay increase
A Mexican maid asked her female boss for a pay increase. Her boss was annoyed and asked, Tell me Maria. Why do you want a pay increase?

Maria: ‘Well, Señora, There are three reasons why I want an increase…
The first is that I iron better than you.’
Wife: ‘Who said you iron better than me?’
Maria: ‘Your husband said so.’
Wife: ‘Oh.’
Maria: ‘The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.’
Wife: ‘Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?’
Maria: ‘Your husband did.’
Wife: ‘Oh.’
Maria: ‘My third reason is that I am a better lover than you..’
Wife (really furious now): ‘Did my husband say that as well?’
Maria: ‘No Señora, the gardener did.’
Wife: ‘So how much do you want?

[riverbabe]

Djibouti, Ibis, Strawberry

I had no doubts about you EVER!!!

[Peter Hansen]

The Moviegoer

THE MOVIEGOER

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a posh theatre. When the usher came by
and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat."

The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up
from there I'm going to have to call the manager."

Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly
back up the aisle in search of his manager.

In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man.
Together they tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally,
they summoned the police.

The cop surveyed the situation briefly, then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?"

"Sam," the man moaned.

"Where ya from, Sam?"

With pain in his voice, Sam replied, "The balcony."

[IIC]

Education is when you read the fine print. Experience is what you get if you don't.
-- Pete Seeger

[Peter Hansen]

A radar trap texas style

Top This One For A Radar Trap in Kingsville , Tx ,
Two Texas Highway Patrol Officers were conducting speeding enforcement on Hwy 77, just south of Kingsville , Tx.
One of the officers was using a hand held radar device to check speeding vehicles approaching the town of Kingsville . The officers were suddenly surprised when the radar gun began reading 300 miles per hour and climbing
The officer attempted to reset the radar gun, but it would not reset and then it suddenly turned off.
Just then a deafening roar over the Mesquite treetops on Hwy 77 revealed that the radar had in fact locked on to a USMC F/A-18 Hornet which was engaged in a low flying exercise near this, it's Naval Air home base location in Kingsville Tx.
Back at the Texas Highway Patrol Headquarters in Corpus Christi the Patrol Captain fired off a complaint to the US Naval Base Commander in Kingsville for shutting down his equipment.
The reply came back in true USMC style:
'Thank you for your letter....
You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Hornet had detected the presence of, and subsequently locked on to, your hostile radar equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back to it, which is why it shut down.
Furthermore, an Air-to-Ground missile aboard the fully armed aircraft had also automatically locked on to your equipment's location.
Fortunately, the Marine Pilot flying the Hornet recognized the situation for what it was, quickly responded to the missile system alert status and was able to override the automated defence system before the missile was launched to destroy the hostile radar position on the side of Hwy 77 So. of Kingsville ...
The pilot suggests you cover your mouths when cussing at them, since the video systems on these jets are very high tech.
Sergeant Johnson, the officer holding the radar gun, should get his dentist to check his left rear molar. It appears the filling is loose.. Also, the snap is broken on his holster.'

Semper Fi

[Peter Hansen]

The Hot Gas Balloon Ride

Ah yes nothing like a balloon ride .....check this out FUNNY!

http://www.dlisted.com/2011/07/19/caption-contest-july-19th

[IIC]

Little Larry

LARRY MAY BECOME MY NEW FAVORITE!!!!

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Larry stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Larry?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'


Larry watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. 'What's the matter, asked Larry 'Giving up?'


The math teacher saw that Larry wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, 'Larry! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?' Larry quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'



Larry's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him.' Larry asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ? "



Little Larry attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Larry asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Larry, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom ....'

[Peter Hansen]

A trip to europe!

A young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her. "You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we're off to Europe tomorrow, and I can stow you away on my ship. "I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."

With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Europe , the woman accepted. That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small, but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches and make love to her until dawn.

Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection. "What are you doing here?" asked the captain. "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings food and I get a free trip to Europe. "I see, the captain says.



Her conscience got the best of her and she added, ..... "Plus, he's screwing me."

"He certainly is," replied the captain, "This is the Staten Island Ferry."