Fun Stuff...Off Topic(O/T)

[Karel]

Subject: John Hinckley

...

For those interested in the sometimes twisted history of twisted political humor, there always is Snopes.com

Regards,

Karel

[Peter Hansen]

Not a dime back!

Apparently some liberal panty waist reporter could not hold his own with Jim Calhoun ,800 winning game career U CON Basketball coach. Ya gotta love this guy .....YOU GO JIM !
And what about that 100 million 7 yr contract one of the Pittsburgh Steelers just signed?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xokthY5zuPU

[billyjoe]

My youngest son works on the ferry boat that shuttles passengers from the mainland to the island. My older son had this guy for sculpture class at art school. I knew about the plane crash and also about the sculptor living on the island but never realized he was the hero that saved the young boy.

http://www.charlesherndon.com/the-artist/labor-day-2007.html

------------------billy

[Peter Hansen]

Hey Brother Can Ya Spare a Job?

John Smith started the day early having set his alarm


clock

(MADE IN JAPAN )

for 6 am.
While his

coffeepot

(MADE IN CHINA )


was perking, he shaved with his


electric razor

(MADE IN HONG KONG .)


He put on a


dress shirt

(MADE IN SRI LANKA ),



designer jeans

(MADE IN SINGAPORE )

and

tennis shoes

(MADE IN KOREA )


After cooking his breakfast in his new


electric skillet

(MADE IN INDIA )



he sat down with his


calculator

(MADE IN MEXICO )


to see how much he could spend today. After setting his

watch

(MADE IN TAIWAN )

to the

radio

(MADE IN INDIA )


he got in his

car

(MADE IN GERMANY )

filled it with

GAS

(from Saudi Arabia )


and continued his search



for a good paying AMERICAN JOB.

At the end


of yet another discouraging

and fruitless day

checking his


Computer

(Made In Malaysia ),

Joe decided to relax for a while.

He put on his

sandals

(MADE IN BRAZIL )


poured himself a glass of

wine

(MADE IN FRANCE )



and turned on his

TV

(MADE IN INDONESIA ),


and then wondered

why he can't find

a good paying job

in AMERICA ..

Y'all gotta Keep this one circulating, please!

[Peter Hansen]

A Scientific Fact!

Ah yes .......What was the first Remote Control ?......Karel, The Gestapo , and Snopes may question the validity of this claim ......but you will get a chuckle out of it LOL!

http://www.flixya.com/photo/201666/Bijouteries_Natan

[IIC]

Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the bestpatients to operate on.

The first surgeon, from New York, says, "I like to see accountantson my operating table because when you open them up, everythinginside is numbered."

The second, from Chicago, responds, "Yeah, but you should tryelectricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon, from Dallas, says, "No, I really thinklibrarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order"

The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: "You know, I likeconstruction workers...Those guys always understand when you have afew parts left over."

But the fifth surgeon, from Washington, DC shut them all up when heobserved: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and thehead and the ass are interchangeable.

[Peter Hansen]

Iic good one

Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the bestpatients to operate on.

The first surgeon, from New York, says, "I like to see accountantson my operating table because when you open them up, everythinginside is numbered."

The second, from Chicago, responds, "Yeah, but you should tryelectricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon, from Dallas, says, "No, I really thinklibrarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order"

The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: "You know, I likeconstruction workers...Those guys always understand when you have afew parts left over."

But the fifth surgeon, from Washington, DC shut them all up when heobserved: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and thehead and the ass are interchangeable.

ICC funny!

[Peter Hansen]

There is a sucker born every minute

On coast to coast AM radio news bulletin , they posted a picture of a supposedly dead alien. Kinda looks like an old girlfriend of mine LOL!

http://theydontseethroughus.blogspot.com/2009/03/alien-captured-in-mexico.html

[Peter Hansen]

Funny Bumpersticker !

A man was driving a HUGE BLACK highly polished Cadillac Escalade , obviously an individual NOT concerned with carbon footprint, cap & trade , tree huggers or none of that nonsense. On the rear bumper a brightly colored sticker read , AMERICA'S 3 ASSHOLES OBAMA PELOSI REED"
I drove up to him at the next light , rolled down my window and said. "Sir aren't you worried that the environmental Gestapo may scratch or damage your vehicle" His reply was "Fuc* EM LOCK AND LOAD I'm ready" Obviously he was not a man who worried about possible repercussions! I gave him the Thumbs Up , we both laughed .......and he proceeded to drive away!

[Websman]

A man was driving a HUGE BLACK highly polished Cadillac Escalade , obviously an individual NOT concerned with carbon footprint, cap & trade , tree huggers or none of that nonsense. On the rear bumper a brightly colored sticker read , AMERICA'S 3 ASSHOLES OBAMA PELOSI REED"
I drove up to him at the next light , rolled down my window and said. "Sir aren't you worried that the environmental Gestapo may scratch or damage your vehicle" His reply was "Fuc* EM LOCK AND LOAD I'm ready" Obviously he was not a man who worried about possible repercussions! I gave him the Thumbs Up , we both laughed .......and he proceeded to drive away!

Sounds like my kind of guy! I'm a proud owner of a Ford F-150 myself.

[Peter Hansen]

Web The Guy Was Tough

Sounds like my kind of guy! I'm a proud owner of a Ford F-150 myself.

Web the guy had a shaved head , mirror sunglasses , mustache and appeared to be tanned and built like a bull. Probably Was Special Forces or Military , defintely not one .....the panty waist, GREEN GURUS , would wish to tackle LOL!

[Peter Hansen]

Make The Woman HAPPY!

For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works.

Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the Woman happy.. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the points system:



SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed .............................................+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows....-1
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets...................-2
You leave the toilet seat up...................................-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty............+5
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex...-1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom............-2
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings.....+5
in the rain.............................................. .....+8
But return with beer..........................................-1
And no panty liners..........................................-25
You check out a suspicious noise at night.....................+1
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing.............0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something..........+5
You pummel it with a six iron.................................+10
It's her cat............................................... ...-40

AT THE PARTY
You stay by her side the entire party..........................0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a school
Drinking buddy............................................. ....-2
Named Tiffany........................................... .......-5
Tiffany is a dancer..........................................-10
With breast implants.........................................-20

HER BIRTHDAY
You remember her birthday......................................+1
You buy a card and flowers.....................................+2
You take her out to dinner....................................+5
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar.........+10
Okay, it is a sports bar.....................................-10
And it's all-you-can-eat night...............................-20
It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted
the colors of your favorite team..............................-30

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Go with a pal............................................... .. 0
The pal is happily married................................... +1
The pal is single............................................-10
He drives a Ferrari...........................................-20
With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED)..................-30

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
You take her to a movie.......................................+2
You take her to a movie she likes.............................+5
You take her to a movie you hate..............................+8
You take her to a movie you like..............................-5
It's called Death Cop III....................................-10
Which features Cyborgs that eat humans.......................-20
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans........-30

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable pot belly............................-5
You develop a noticeable pot belly & get rid of it...........+10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy
Hawaiian shirts............................................ ...-30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too.".............-100

THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
You hesitate in responding....................................-10
You reply, "Where?".......................................... .-35
You reply, "No, I think it's your ass".......................-100

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned expression.................+1
You listen, for over 30 minutes................................+5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience.....+50
You have fallen asleep.......................................-200

IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH
You talk.............................................. .......-100
You don't talk.............................................. ..-100
You spend time with her......................................-100
You don't spend time with Her................................-100
You are seen enjoying yourself...............................-100

[Peter Hansen]

I am not paying my federal income tax !

Finally a man who stands up to all the hypocarcy and BS ......YOU GO ED We are all with you!

"Dear IRS,

I am sorry to inform you that I will not be able to pay taxes owed April 15, but all is not lost.

I have paid these taxes: accounts receivable tax, building permit tax, CDL tax, cigarette tax, corporate income tax, dog licence tax, federal income tax, unemployment tax, gasoline tax, hunting licence tax, fishing licence tax, waterfowl stamp tax, inheritance tax, inventory tax, liquor tax, luxury tax, medicare tax, city, school and county property tax (up 33 percent last 4 years), real estate tax, social security tax, road usage tax, toll road tax, state and city sales tax, recreational vehicle tax, state franchise tax, state unemployment tax, telephone federal excise tax, telephone federal state and local surcharge tax, telephone minimum usage surcharge tax, telephone state and local tax, utility tax, vehicle licence registration tax, capitol gains tax, lease severance tax, oil and gas assessment tax, Colorado property tax, Texas, Colorado, Wyoming, Oklahoma and New Mexico sales tax, and many more that I can't recall but I have run out of space and money.

When you do not receive my check April 15, just know that it is an honest mistake. Please treat me the same way you treated Congressmen Charles Rangle, Chris Dodd, Barney Frank and ex-Congressman Tom Dashelle and, of course, your boss Timothy Geithner. No penalties and no interest.

P.S. I will make at least a partial payment as soon as I get my stimulus check.

Ed Barnett "

[Peter Hansen]

Leasing Makes Sense

Now that I see it presented below ......Yes indeed LEASING does make sense ! LOL

Purchasing




The math on the Paul McCartney-Heather Mills divorce is as follows:

After 5 years of marriage, he paid her $49 million.

Assuming he got sex every night during their 5 year relationship

it ended up costing him $26,849 per time.



This is Heather.








Leasing





On the other hand, New York Governor Elliot Spitzer's hooker,

Kristen, an absolute stunner with a body like no other,

charges $4,000 an hour. For anything!



This is Kristen.




Had Paul McCartney "employed" Kristen for 5 years,

he would have paid $7.3 million for an hour of sex every

night for 5 years (a $41.7 million savings).

Value-added benefits are: a 22 year old hot babe, no begging, no coaxing, never a
headache, plays all requests, no bitching and complaining or 'honey-do'
lists. Best of all, she leaves when you're done, and comes back when
asked. All at 1/7th the cost, and no legal fees.

Sometimes leasing just makes more sense.

[IIC]

The financial crisis explained in simple terms.

Heidi is the proprietor of a bar in Berlin. In order to increase sales, she decides to allow her loyal customers - most of whom are unemployed alcoholics - to drink now but pay later. She keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers loans).
Word gets around and as a result increasing numbers of customers flood into Heidi's bar.
Taking advantage of her customers' freedom from immediate payment constraints, Heidi increases her prices for wine and beer, the most-consumed beverages. Her sales volume increases massively.
A young and dynamic customer service consultant at the local bank recognizes these customer debts as valuable future assets and increases Heidi's borrowing limit.
He sees no reason for undue concern because he has the promissory notes of Heidi's customers as collateral.
At the bank's corporate headquarters, expert bankers transform these customer assets into DRINKBONDS, ALKBONDS and PUKEBONDS. These securities are then sold and traded on markets worldwide. No one really understands what these abbreviations mean and how the securities are guaranteed. Nevertheless, as their prices continuously climb, the securities become top-selling items.
One day, although the prices are still climbing, a risk manager of the bank, (subsequently fired due his negativity), decided that the time has come to start demanding payment from Heidi for the debts incurred by the drinkers at Heidi's bar.
Unfortunately Heidi's customers cannot pay back any of their debts to Heidi.
Heidi cannot fulfill her loan obligations to the bank and claims bankruptcy.
DRINKBOND and ALKBOND drop in price by 95 %. PUKEBOND performs better, stabilizing in price after dropping by only 80%.
The suppliers of Heidi's bar, having granted her generous payment terms and also having invested in the securities are faced with a new and desperate situation. Her wine supplier claims bankruptcy and her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor.
The bank is saved by the Government following dramatic round-the-clock consultations by leaders from the governing political parties. They came up with a miraculous rescue plan that saved the bank.
The funds required for this massive rescue are obtained by levying a new tax on all the non-drinkers.