Fun Stuff...Off Topic(O/T)

[Peter Hansen]

Ah yes Retirement

Old Age
After retiring, I went to the social security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry but I seemed to have left my wallet at home,
"I will have to go home and come back later."
The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt."
So I opened my shirt, revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed my Social Security application.
>
When I got home, I told my wife about my experience at the social security office.
She said, "You should have dropped your pants, you might have gotten disability too."

[kuka2]

When I got home, I told my wife about my experience at the social security office.
She said, "You should have dropped your pants, you might have gotten disability too."

This one is cool..

[Peter Hansen]

Krispy Kreme Model Calendar

Wow looking at this calendar .....your only hope is that the the 2008 year passes quickly LOL

http://img4.imagevenue.com/img.php?loc=loc182&image=65d_krispy_kreme_kalendar.jpg

[Peter Hansen]

Tough Market ....Time to LAUGH !

To All the ladies out there .....Karel this one's for you ......we all love ya!


A Women once said that a man is like a deck of playing cards.......You need:

A HEART TO LOVE HIM

A DIAMOND TO MARRY HIM

A CLUB TO SMASH HIS FU***** HEAD IN , AND

A SPADE TO BURY THE BASTARD !

[Peter Hansen]

Why So Many Motorbike Accidents in Jamaica?

Did ya ever wonder why so many people get into bike accidents in Jamaica? .......Well here is one explanation.........Gee....Now why didn't I think of that? See the explanation below !

http://www.imagepoop.com/image/1003/What-s-the-Main-Reason-for-Motorbike-Accidents-in-Jamaica.html

[Peter Hansen]

Shooting Blanks

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up...







The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the


86-year-old said ,'Things are great and I've never felt better.'


I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child.


"So what do you think about that Doc ?"













The doctor considered his question for a minute and


then began to tell a story.


"I have an older friend , much like you, who is an avid hunter


and never misses a season."




One day he was setting off to go hunting.


In a bit of a hurry , he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun."


"As he neared a lake , he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge.





He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature.


Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle


and went 'bang, bang'." "Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead.







Now, what do you think of that?" asked the doctor.


The 86-year-old said , "Logic would strongly suggest that


somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."



The doctor replied , "My point exactly."

[IIC]

[IIC]

Got an email from my wife...That's how we communicate now...LOL

The 4 Stages Of Life

[IIC]

Haven't done this for a while...Test your computer download and upload speed:

http://www.speakeasy.net/speedtest/

Mine was this:

Download Speed: 5092 kbps (636.5 KB/sec transfer rate)
Upload Speed: 625 kbps (78.1 KB/sec transfer rate)

[billyjoe]

Upload 490 Download 6883

--------billyjoe

[Rob]

Test your computer download and upload speed: http://www.speakeasy.net/speedtest/

I like using the one at http://speedtest.net. It has a cool flash interface that looks like a dashboard.

[Peter Hansen]

Upload and Download

I am using Cable Vision Optimum on Line in my area NJ

3549 Download

1503 Upload

[skiracer]

I am using Cable Vision Optimum on Line in my area NJ

3549 Download

1503 Upload

Pete,
where are you located in NJ.

[Peter Hansen]

SKI Wayne NJ

Pete,
where are you located in NJ.

Ski I live in wayne

[Peter Hansen]

TO ALL EMPLOYEES Your Immediate Attention!

EFFECTIVE January 1, 2008

NEW OFFICE POLICY

Dress Code:

1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not
need a raise.

4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.



Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.



Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.



Lunch Break: (Love this one)

* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.



Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.



The Management