Fun Stuff...Off Topic(O/T)

[Peter Hansen]

"Do You Have A Hyundai For Sale?"

Funny Sign At a Toyota Dealer!

" 2009 Toyota For Sale
Only Driven back and forth to the dealer for recalls!"

[Peter Hansen]

Way cool

HERE IS A GOOD ONE FOR YOUR SNOWED IN E-MAIL FAMILY AND FRIENDS!!!!!!
THIS ACTUALLY WORKS - I TRIED IT


This is so neat, really cool…......got to try it.
Your kids will love it.




If we get snowbound tomorrow, you can play in the snow in the warmth of your home. Enjoy! This penguin knows how to write all kinds of words!!!!!!!!!!



How do they do this?
· Just click on the following link,
· put your first name or any message in the message space.
· Wait a few moments after clicking on "submit" to see your name in snow.
· You can type in any name or message and the penguin will begin his/her (?) work.
How does this work, you ask? I have no idea but it does!

http://www.star28.net/snow.html

[riverbabe]

A Fairy Tale

This is the fairy tale that should have been read to us girls when we were little:

Once upon a time

~~~~~~~~

in a land far away,

~~~~~~~~

a beautiful, independent,
self-assured princess

~~~~~~~~

happened upon a frog as she sat
contemplating ecological issues
on the shores of an unpolluted pond
in a verdant meadow near her castle.

~~~~~~~~

The frog hopped into the princess' lap
and said: ' Elegant Lady,
I was once a handsome prince,
until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.

~~~~~~~~

One kiss from you, however,
and I will turn back
into the dapper, young prince that I am

~~~~~~~~
and then, my sweet, we can marry

~~~~~~~~


and set up house

In your castle

~~~~~~~~

with my mother,

~~~~~~~~

where you can

prepare my meals,

~~~~~~~~

clean my clothes,

bear my children,

Walk my dog

And attend to my every need


~~~~~~~~

forever you will feel

grateful and happy doing so. '
~~~~~~~~

That night,
~~~~~~~~
as the princess dined sumptuously
~~~~~~~~
on lightly sauteed frog legs
~~~~~~~~
seasoned in a white wine
~~~~~~~
and onion cream sauce,

she sipped her chilled
crisp wine
~~~~~~~~

Chuckled
and thought to herself:
~~~~~~~~

I don't f**in' think so.

[Karel]

This is the fairy tale that should have been read to us girls when we were little:

Not in the same vein, but this still reminds me of the
Politically Correct Bedtime Stories, self-styled improvements
of the originals. Which they aren’t, but they are much
funnier in a relentlessly boring PC kind of way.

I am getting nostalgic.

Regards,

Karel

[microchips]

Viagra, Blondes? n dogs

An old lady goes to the doctors and asks for some viagra for her elderiy husband.The doc says "it comes in 3 strengths,25% semi-hard,50%very-hard and 100% rock-hard".Old lady replies 25% will be fine, its only to stop him peeing on his slippers when he goes to the loo!!!2/ Blond wife is painting her house when her husband walks in who cannot believe she is doing so well.But has to ask her why she is wearing a leather jacket and a parka coat she replies "hello read the tin stupid it says for best results put on 2 coats"3/ A dog is truly a man's best friend.If you dont believe it, try this simple experiment. Put your dog and wife in the trunk of your car for an hour.When you open the trunk see who is happiest to see you!!

[Peter Hansen]

Karel

Not in the same vein, but this still reminds me of the
Politically Correct Bedtime Stories, self-styled improvements
of the originals. Which they aren’t, but they are much
funnier in a relentlessly boring PC kind of way.

I am getting nostalgic.

Regards,

Karel

Karel where is the politically correct story about the 3 bears and and the HUGE carbon footprint that was created when the porridge was cooked with the coal fired stove LOL AL GO RE WOULD NOT BE HAPPY WITH THAT!
Karel in my second life I w ish to return as a full professor of "Global Warming" at the East Anglia University .....with you as my lab asssitant .
I am sure we could find a legitimate way to "JAZZ" up the data! LOL

[riverbabe]

Not in the same vein, but this still reminds me of the
Politically Correct Bedtime Stories, self-styled improvements
of the originals. Which they aren’t, but they are much
funnier in a relentlessly boring PC kind of way.

I am getting nostalgic.

Regards,

Karel

Karel, I used to own this book! And read it! Finally sold it on eBay. Hey, we read the same "literature." Currently reading K2 by Ed Viesturs (for the second time). Now, those are some adventure stories.

[Peter Hansen]

BEWARE The IRS AUDIT!

At the end of the tax year, the IRS office sent an inspector to audit the
> books of a local hospital. While the IRS agent was checking the books he
> turned to the CFO of the hospital and said, "I notice you buy a lot of
> bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when there's too little
> left to be of any use?"
>
> "Good question," noted the CFO. "We save them up and send them back to the
> bandage company and every now and then they send us a free box of
> bandages..
>
>
> "Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question
> had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way. "What about
> all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what's left over after
> setting a cast on a patient?"
>
> "Ah, yes," replied the CFO, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap
> him with an unanswerable question. "We save it and send it back to the
> manufacturer, and every now and then they send us a free package of
> plaster.
>
>
> "I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the
> know-it-all CFO. "Well," he went on, "What do you do with all the leftover
> foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"
>
> "Here, too, we do not waste," answered the CFO. "What we do is save all the
> little foreskins and send them to the IRS Office, and about once a year
> they send us a complete dick."

[Karel]

Karel where is the politically correct story about the 3 bears and and the HUGE carbon footprint that was created when the porridge was cooked with the coal fired stove LOL AL GO RE WOULD NOT BE HAPPY WITH THAT!
Karel in my second life I w ish to return as a full professor of "Global Warming" at the East Anglia University .....with you as my lab asssitant .
I am sure we could find a legitimate way to "JAZZ" up the data! LOL

Well, at least they used a stove, and a stove can be pretty efficient. And as they lived in the woods, they wouldn’t have used a coal stove but a wood stove, which, as far as I understand it, is not so much a problem for CO2 emissions (but still for particle emissions), but mainly because of deforestation. Wood burning is CO2 neutral if you plant a tree for every tree you burn. A good idea anyway, if you want (your kids) to be able to use that forest for fuel for a really extended period of time.

And yes, science needs to be jazzed up. In a responsible way, of course. Don't be such a scientist is one of the slogans. Otherwise, you leave the field to people like Marc Morano. I am not sure I am up to the task of "jazzing up" science.

Of course, scientists will always have more problems communicating than people like Morano. They do more than communicating (like science), and the way to run into problems in science is to peddle falsehoods. A problem mr. Morano does not have, nor the merry crew from that other thread, so he, and they, can concentrate on the stuff with the best emotional impact.

Regards,

Karel

[Peter Hansen]

KAREL Good Comments

Well, at least they used a stove, and a stove can be pretty efficient. And as they lived in the woods, they wouldn’t have used a coal stove but a wood stove, which, as far as I understand it, is not so much a problem for CO2 emissions (but still for particle emissions), but mainly because of deforestation. Wood burning is CO2 neutral if you plant a tree for every tree you burn. A good idea anyway, if you want (your kids) to be able to use that forest for fuel for a really extended period of time.

And yes, science needs to be jazzed up. In a responsible way, of course. Don't be such a scientist is one of the slogans. Otherwise, you leave the field to people like Marc Morano. I am not sure I am up to the task of "jazzing up" science.

Of course, scientists will always have more problems communicating than people like Morano. They do more than communicating (like science), and the way to run into problems in science is to peddle falsehoods. A problem mr. Morano does not have, nor the merry crew from that other thread, so he, and they, can concentrate on the stuff with the best emotional impact.

Regards,

Karel

Karel interesting comments ....you definitely present some thoughful points!

[Peter Hansen]

Jokes

Q: How can you tell if you're at a bulimic stag night?
A: The cake jumps out of the girl

Here's to our wives and girlfriends:
May they never meet!

Best Bar in The World
The first says: "Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one. At MacDougal's, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!"

The second then starts: "That sounds like a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one called Quinns. At Quinns, you buy a drink, Quinn buys you a drink. You buy another drink, Quinn buys you another drink."

Then the third pipes up. "You think that's good? Where I come from, there's this place called Murphy's. At Murphy's, they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third drink, and then, they take you in the back and get you lai*!"
"Wow!" say the other two. "That sounds fantastic! Did that actually happen to you?" "No," replies their friend, "but it happened to my sister!"

3 Blind (drunk) Mice
Three macho mice are sitting at a bar discussing just how tough they were. The first mouse slams a shot and says: "I play with mouse traps for fun. I'll run into one on purpose and as it is closing on me, I grab the bar and bench press it 20 to 30 times." And, with that, he slams another shot.
The second mouse slams a shot and says: "That's nothing. I take those poison bait tablets, cut them up, and snort them, just for the fun of it." And, with that, he slams another shot.
The third mouse slams a shot, gets up, and turns to walk away.
"Where the hell do you think you're going?" ask his friends.

The third mouse stops and replies: "I'm going home to sh** the cat

Car Smash Lovers
A woman and a man driver are involved in a horrific collision, but amazingly both escape completely unhurt - though their cars are written off.
As they crawl out of the wreckage, the man sees the woman is blonde and strikingly beautiful. Then the woman turns to the man and gushes breathily: 'That's incredible - both our cars are demolished but we're fine. It must be a sign from God that we are meant to be together!'
Sensing a promise, the man stammers back, 'Oh yes, I agree with you completely!'

The woman goes on, 'And look, though my car was destroyed, this bottle of wine survived intact, too! It must be another sign. Let's drink to our love!'

'Well, OK!' says the man, going with the moment. She offers him the bottle, so he downs half of it and hands it back.

'Your turn,' says the man.

'No, thanks,' says the woman, 'I think I'll just wait for the police.'

Heaven
May your glass be ever full.
May the roof over your head be always strong.
And may you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead

[billyjoe]

And a happy Saint Patrick's day to ye also, Pete.

---------billy

[Peter Hansen]

Billie Happy St Pats To U Also

And a happy Saint Patrick's day to ye also, Pete.

---------billy

Billie Happy St Pats to you and yours!

[Peter Hansen]

One LAST Irish Joke

An Irishman goes to confession . He says to Father O'Malley "Father it has been many years since my last confession" As the Irishman looks around in the confessional he notes Guiness On Tap and boxes of the finest cigars. He says to Father O'Malley "Gee father things sure have changed since my last confession...wow Guiness and cigars" Father O'Malley says to the Irishman "Get The HELL out of there , you're on MY side"

[Peter Hansen]

A "Pressing" Question for , "Dear Abby"!

Dear Abby

" I'm an 18 yr old girl from Arkansas, and I am still a virgin. Do you think my brothers are GAY?"


Pete extends his apology to all who have relatives or live in Arkansas LOL!