Fun Stuff...Off Topic(O/T)

[Peter Hansen]

Billy Thanx

Pete,
She got it right the first time but not the 2nd. Try #98 and see what happens.

--------------billy

Billy thanx one lady actually figured it out

[Peter Hansen]

The Trunk Money Returns LOL

This is great .....start your day with a laugh !

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=amUbIV-Ti_s

[Peter Hansen]

Semper Fi From A Recon Marine.

Interesting analysis of the situation in Afghanistan.......read what is really going on !

Chiggers, Sand Fleas and Scorpions!



From a Recon Marine in Afghanistan...



From the Sand Pit, it's freezing here. I'm sitting on hard, cold dirt
between rocks and shrubs at the base of the Hindu Kush Mountains, along
the Dar 'yoi Pomir River, watching a hole that leads to a tunnel that
leads to a cave. Stake out, my friend, and no pizza delivery for
thousands of miles.



I also glance at the area around my ass every ten to fifteen seconds to
avoid another scorpion sting. I've actually given up battling the
chiggers and sand fleas, but the scorpions give a jolt like a cattle
prod. Hurts like a bastard. The antidote tastes like transmission
fluid, but God bless the Marine Corps for the five vials of it in my
pack.



The one truth the Taliban cannot escape is that, believe it or not,
they are human beings, which means they have to eat food and drink
water. That requires couriers and that's where an old bounty hunter
like me comes in handy. I track the couriers, locate the tunnel
entrances and storage facilities, type the info into the handheld,
shoot the coordinates up to the satellite link that tells the air
commanders where to drop the hardware. We bash some heads for a while,
then I track and record the new movement.



It's all about intelligence. We haven't even brought in the snipers
yet. These scurrying rats have no idea what they're in for. We are
but days away from cutting off supply lines and allowing the
eradication to begin..

I dream of bin Laden waking up to find me standing over him with my
boot on his throat as I spit into his face and plunge my nickel-plated
Bowie knife through his frontal lobe. But you know me, I'm a romantic.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: This country blows, man.
It's not even a country. There are no roads, there's no
infrastructure, there's no government. This is an inhospitable, rock
pit, shit hole, ruled by eleventh century warring tribes. There are no
jobs here like we know jobs.



Afghanistan offers two ways for a man to support his family: join the
opium trade or join the army. That's it. Those are your options. Oh,
I forgot, you can also live in a refugee camp and eat plum-sweetened,
crushed beetle paste and squirt mud like a goose with stomach flu, if
that's your idea of a party. But the smell alone of those 'tent cities
of the walking dead' is enough to hurl you into the poppy fields to
cheerfully scrape bulbs for eighteen hours a day.



I've been living with these Tajiks and Uzbeks, and Turkmen and even a
couple of Pushtuns, for over a month-and-a-half now, and this much I
can say for sure: These guys, all of 'em, are Huns...actual, living
Huns. They LIVE to fight. It's what they do. It's ALL they do. They
have no respect for anything, not for their families, nor for each
other, nor for themselves. They claw at one another as a way of life.
They play polo with dead calves and force their five-year-old sons
into human cockfights to defend the family honor. Huns, roaming packs
of savage, heartless beasts who feed on each other's barbarism.
Cavemen with AK-47's. Then again, maybe I'm just cranky.



I'm freezing my ass off on this stupid hill because my lap warmer is
running out of juice, and I can't recharge it until the sun comes up in
a few hours. Oh yeah! You like to write letters, right? Do me a
favor, Bizarre. Write a letter to CNN and tell Wolf and Anderson and
that awful, sneering, pompous Aaron Brown to stop calling the Taliban
'smart.' They are not smart. I suggest CNN invest in a dictionary
because the word they are looking for is 'cunning.' The Taliban are
cunning, like jackals and hyenas and wolverines. They are sneaky and
ruthless, and when confronted, cowardly. They are hateful, malevolent
parasites who create nothing and destroy everything else. Smart.
Pfft. Yeah, they're real smart.



They've spent their entire lives reading only one book (and not a very
good one, as books go) and consider hygiene and indoor plumbing to be
products of the devil. They're still figuring out how to work a Bic
lighter. Talking to a Taliban warrior about improving his quality of
life is like trying to teach an ape how to hold a pen; eventually he
just gets frustrated and sticks you in the eye with it.



OK, enough. Snuffle will be up soon, so I have to get back to my hole.
Covering my tracks in the snow takes a lot of practice, but I'm good
at it.



Please, I tell you and my fellow Americans to turn off the TV sets and
move on with your lives. The story line you are getting from CNN and
other news agencies is utter bullshit and designed not to deliver
truth, but rather to keep you glued to the screen through the
commercials. We've got this one under control. The worst thing you
guys can do right now is sit around analyzing what we're doing over
here, because you have no idea what we're doing, and really, you don't
want to know. We are your military, and we are doing what you sent us
here to do.


Saucy Jack

Recon Marine in Afghanistan

Semper Fi


"Freedom is not free...but the U.S. Marine Corps will pay most of your share."


Send this to ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS so that peoplehere will really know
what is going on over there.


A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check
made payable to "The United States of America ' for an amount of 'up to
and including my life.' That is Honor, and there are way too many
people in this country who no longer understand it."



May God Bless AMERICA and all those who serve, especially this MARINE!

[Karel]

Pete, you are backsliding again. Such a heaping of dehumanizing comments on an opponent, even an objectionable one like the Taliban, but also on the Afghan people in general, can serve no purpose. Of course this is not a rant from a worn out soldier in the field. It was meant to be funny from the start. But seeing that this letter has been circulating since 2001, the comment that the Taliban "have no idea what they are in for" and the general disdain are starting to sound a bit forced.

There are some errors a marine probably would not make, see snopes, but it is good to see that the geographical blunders have been edited out now the text has been dug up again. The deeper irony that a letter prophesying a quick victory is still presented as fresh after ten years probably escaped the diggers. If bringing the snipers in was considered hardly necessary ten years ago, why haven't they been brought in somewhere in the past ten years?

Query: why is Semper Fi stamped on all kinds of vicious nonsense? Is this an effort to discredit the marines? And an ongoing effort on your part? Or do you post stuff like this so you can feel tough by proxy? (The wrong, loudmouth kind of tough, too, in my opinion.)

Regards,

Karel

Postscript: a discussion on the Snopes forum on this piece of fantasy with extra info.

[Peter Hansen]

Karel

Karel Oh well back to general posts ........it's safer that way!
Basically war is hell, and I would imagine , what really goes on in Iraq and Afghanistan will never be disclosed!
In my opinion both wars are a waste of time , money and lives....and when we finally pull out .....the Taliban will take over.
I say bring the troops home now , and use the money saved to prop up our own economy.

[microchips]

Back to the fun bits!!!!!!

A hunter accidentally shoots himself in the genitals with his shotgun,

several hours later lying in a hospital bed he was approached by his doctor

"The good news is your going to be okay, the bad news is that there pretty

extensive buckshot damage to your willy so i am going to have to refer you

to my sister". "Is she a plastic surgeon?" asks the hunter.

"No" replied the doctor, "Shes a flute player and will teach you where to put

your fingers so you wont P%ss in your face".

.................................................. ..............

Due to the water shortage in Ireland,

Belfast swimming baths have announced it will be closing lanes 7&8..

.................................................. ..............

There's a Buddhist, a satanist and a catholic Priest on the Titanic.

The Buddhist says " We have to save the children first".

The satanist says " Bugger the children"

The Catholic Priest says " Do we have time?.

.................................................. .......................

Just heard that the South African 800m World Champion has just

failed her drugs test! her willy wouldn't fit in the bottle!!!!!!!!

............................................
The mother of Caster Semenya, women's 800m World Champion,

has expressed her outrage at her daughter having to undergo a gender test!

She said, "This is a real kick in the nuts for my daughter"....

[Peter Hansen]

Now Dats Italian!

WHY New York ITALIANS CAN'T BE PARAMEDICS




Vinny and Sal are out in the woods hunting




when suddenly Sal grabs his chest and falls to the ground..




He doesn't seem to be breathing;




his eyes are rolled back in his head.




Vinny whips out his cell phone and calls 911.




He gasps to the operator,




"I think Sal is dead! What should I do?"




The operator, in a calm soothing voice says,




"Just take it easy and follow my instructions.




First, let's make sure he's dead."




There is a silence …




and then a shot is heard.




Vinny's voice comes back on the line,




"Okay... now what ?"

[steelman]

That's funny Pete and don't worry, you will never offend me with any of your posts.

[Peter Hansen]

The House Of Ill Repute!

A trucker goes into a whorehouse and hands the Madam eight hundred dollars. He says, “I want your ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich.” The Madam says, “For that kind of money, you could have one of my finest girls and a gourmet dinner.” The trucker says, “I’m not horny, I’m homesick

[microchips]

Nice to see the old Pete never left!!!!

...............................KINKY.............. .....

Whilst having kinky sex in the back of a guys van the girl asked

him to whip her. He improvised by snapping the antenna off his van and

whipped her into ecstasy. A week later the girl went to the doctors as

the marks of passion had not healed. The doctor said " It was the worst

case of VAN AERIAL disease he had ever seen"......lol

[Peter Hansen]

Chips great joke !

...............................KINKY.............. .....

Whilst having kinky sex in the back of a guys van the girl asked

him to whip her. He improvised by snapping the antenna off his van and

whipped her into ecstacy. A week later the girl went to the doctors as

the marks of passion had not healed. The doctor said " It was the worst




case of VAN AERIAL disease he had ever seen"......lol

Chips we must be careful not to step on the 3rd rail.......i.e. NO JOKES on Global Warming , Climate change or whatever that nonsense is going by now ! LOL

[Peter Hansen]

Can You Believe?

Two women were sitting quietly together, minding their own business.

[microchips]

Woof Woof!!!

Ive just signed my dog up for benefits. I think he is eligible and has a good

chance of getting it....

He smells is lazy and he doesn't know who his dad is......

................

Pete, i am keeping well away from 3rd rail. Just to cheer you up petrol here

has just hit £6.40 a gallon roughly $10 this pays for all the freebies given

to all the parasites that live here.

[Peter Hansen]

Micro My Good Man

Ive just signed my dog up for benefits. I think he is eligible and has a good

chance of getting it....

He smells is lazy and he doesn't know who his dad is......

................

Pete, i am keeping well away from 3rd rail. Just to cheer you up petrol here

has just hit £6.40 a gallon roughly $10 this pays for all the freebies given

to all the parasites that live here.

I am afraid the US is headed in the same direction ......but why worry .lets make some good money with Mr Market ! Gas in my neighborhood just hit $3.01 for Regular ....some say $5.00 is not far behind!

[billyjoe]

Chips we must be careful not to step on the 3rd rail.......i.e. NO JOKES on Global Warming , Climate change or whatever that nonsense is going by now ! LOL

Pete and Micro,
You could do something worse than stand on the 3rd rail, but I don't want to think about it. Gives me flashbacks to electric fences of my youth.

------------billy