Fun Stuff...Off Topic(O/T)

[Peter Hansen]

Don't Mess With Sr Citizens!

SMART ASS

Two businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their
soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few
shelves set up.

One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some senior is going to
walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling."

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a
curious senior walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice
asked, "What are you selling' here?"

One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ass-holes."

Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "Must be doing well...
only two left."


Seniors -- don't mess with them!

[Peter Hansen]

What Do YOU Know About Cars ?

Take the 20 question test........INTERESTING!

http://www.cramersweeney.com/brandprix/

[Peter Hansen]

Am I Missing Something Here?

Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.


I just couldn't help but send this along. Too funny.
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
No crap, really? Ya think?


Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!


Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!


Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!


Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!


War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!


If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!


Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!


Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?!

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
That'll teach'm to be dropouts!


Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!

And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Did I read that right?

[Peter Hansen]

Now Dat's Italian

American kids: Move out when they're 18 with the full support of their parents.


Italian kids: Move out when they're 28, having saved enough money for a house, and are two weeks away from getting married....unless there's room in the basement for the newlyweds.


American kids: When their Mom visits them, she brings a Bundt cake, and you sip coffee and chat.

Italian kids: When their Mom visits them, she brings 3 days worth of food, begins to tidy up, dust, do the laundry, and rearrange the furniture.


American kids:Their dads always call before they come over to visit them, and it's usually only on special occasions.

Italian kids:Are not at all fazed when their dads show up, unannounced, on a Saturday morning at 8:00, and starts pruning the fruit trees. If there are no fruit trees, he'll plant some.


American kids:Always pay retail, and look in the Yellow Pages when they need to have something done.

Italian kids:Call their dad or uncle, and ask for another dad's or uncle's phone number to get it done....cash deal. Know what I mean??


American kids:Will come over for cake and coffee, and get only cake and coffee. No more.

Italian kids:Will come over for cake and coffee, and get antipasto, wine, a pasta dish, a choice of two meats, salad, bread, a cannoli, fruit, espresso, and a few after dinner drinks.


American kids:Will greet you with 'Hello' or 'Hi'.

Italian kids:Will give you a big hug, a kiss on your cheek, and a pat on your back.


American kids:Call your parents Mr. and Mrs.

Italian kids:Call your parents Mom and Dad.


American kids:Have never seen you cry.

Italian kids:Cry with you.


American kids:Borrow your stuff for a few days and then return it.

Italian kids:Keep your stuff so long, they forget it's yours.


American kids:Will eat at your dinner table and leave.

Italian kids:Will spend hours there, talking, laughing, and just being together.


American kids:Know few things about you.

Italian kids:Could write a book with direct quotes from you.


American kids:Eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on soft mushy white bread.

Italian kids:Eat Genoa Salami and Provolone sandwiches on crusty Italian bread.


American kids:Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.

Italian kids:Will kick the whole crowd's ass who left you behind.


American kids:Are for a while.

Italian kids:Are for life.


American kids:Like Rod Stewart and Steve Tyrell.

Italian kids:Worship Tony Bennett, Dean Martin, and Frank Sinatra


American kids:Think that being Italian is cool.

Italian kids:Know that being Italian is cool.


American kids:Will ignore this.

Italian kids:Will forward it.

[steelman]

Great stuff Pete, gotta love those Paisans.
My mom was just visiting this weekend and she did bring about 3 days of food LOL but I will never complain because she makes a good sauce.

Oh yeah Pete, I did forward it on

[Peter Hansen]

Steel

Great stuff Pete, gotta love those Paisans.
My mom was just visiting this weekend and she did bring about 3 days of food LOL but I will never complain because she makes a good sauce.

Oh yeah Pete, I did forward it on

I once had a Girlfriend , her father was Italian and connected , and her mother was German ......beautiful girl ........sweet girl but we never married

[Peter Hansen]

Arizona

Arizona governor vs. Phoenix Suns owner.


The owner of the Phoenix Suns basketball team, Robert Sarver, opposes AZ's

new immigration laws. Arizona 's Governor, Jan Brewer, released the following

statement in response to Sarver's criticism of the new law.



"What if the owners of the Suns discovered that hordes of people were

sneaking into games without paying? What if they had a good idea who the gate-crashers are, but the ushers and security personnel were not allowed to ask these folks to produce their ticket stubs, thus non-paying attendees couldn't be ejected. Furthermore, what if Suns' ownership was expected to provide those who sneaked in with complimentary eats and drink? And what if, on those days when a gate-crasher became ill or injured, the Suns had to provide free medical care and shelter?"

- Arizona Governor. Jan Brewer

Try going to any other country without ID.

[riverbabe]

What happened way back then?

I've received e-mails about the’ year of your birth' before... this one is completely different. Give it a try and click the link below.

http://whathappenedinmybirthyear.com/

[Peter Hansen]

River Thanx

I've received e-mails about the’ year of your birth' before... this one is completely different. Give it a try and click the link below.


http://whathappenedinmybirthyear.com/

River interesting site .Thanx

[Peter Hansen]

The Biker and The "BABE"

A tough looking biker was riding his Harley when he sees a "HOT" girl about to jump off a bridge so he stops.

"What are you doing?" he asks.

"I'm going to commit suicide," she says.

While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an
opportunity he asked "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a
Kiss?"

So, she does.

After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best Kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous! Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......"

[Deaddog]

When I was a boy my momma would send me down to the grocery store with one dollar and I would come home with 5 bags of potatoes, 2 loaves of bread, 3 quarts of milk, a big hunk of cheese, a box of tea and 6 eggs.


You can’t do that now. Too many f@#king security cameras.

[Peter Hansen]

A "COMMON" Sense FIX For The Economy!

"How Would You Fix the Economy?" I think this guy nailed it!

Dear Mr. President,

Please find below my suggestion for fixing America 's economy. Instead of giving billions of dollars to companies that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan.
You can call it the "Patriotic Retirement Plan":

There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force. Pay them $1 million apiece severance for early retirement (tax free) with the following stipulations:

1) They MUST retire. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed.

2) They MUST buy a new AMERICAN Car. Forty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed.

3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis fixed.

It can't get any easier than that!!

P.S. If more money is needed, have all members in Congress pay their taxes...

Mr. President, while you're at it, make Congress retire on Social Security and Medicare. I'll bet both programs would be fixed pronto!

[billyjoe]

Pete,
40 trillion dollars, now that's big money. How would we come up with that much ? The national debt is only 14 trillion while the net worth of everyone in the U.S. is maybe 50 trillion.

-------billy

[Peter Hansen]

Billie

Pete,
40 trillion dollars, now that's big money. How would we come up with that much ? The national debt is only 14 trillion while the net worth of everyone in the U.S. is maybe 50 trillion.

-------billy

Billie gezzzzzz just let Helicopter Ben turn on the printing presses LOL

[Peter Hansen]

A new broom sweeps clean!

If you've ever worked for a boss who reacts before getting the facts and thinking things through, you will love this!

Arcelor-Mittal Steel, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?"

A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make $400 a week. Why?"

The CEO said, "Wait right here."

He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, "Here's four weeks' pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back."


Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?"


From across the room a voice said, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."