Fun Stuff...Off Topic(O/T)

[riverbabe]

Sally was driving home from one of her business
trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly
Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.
As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped
the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.
With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.
Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make
a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old
woman just sat silently, looking intently at
everything she saw, studying every little detail,
until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.
"What in bag?" asked the old woman.
Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's
a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband."
The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two.
Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said:



"Good trade."

[IIC]

Wacky uses for everyday products: http://www.wackyuses.com/uses.html

[IIC]

No wonder the English language is so very difficult to learn.
I sometimes wonder how we manage to communicate at all!
We must polish the Polish furniture. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
The farm was used to produce produce.
The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
The soldier decided to desert in the desert.
This was a good time to present the present.

A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
I did not object to the object.
The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
The bandage was wound around the wound.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
They were too close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
They sent a sewer down to stitch the tear in the sewer line.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
After a number of injections my jaw got number.
Upon seeing the tear in my clothes I shed a tear.
I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?


She could not live with a live mouse in the house.
It was just a minute prick and over in a minute.
His mistake was putting his left foot forward while putting.
We would probably read more Shakespeare if we understood what we read.
There was a bow tied in the ropes on the bow of the ship.
You should spring that on us next spring!

[IIC]

George Carlin's New Rules for 2007

New Rule:

Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com ! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days . . mowing my lawn.

New Rule:

Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout?

New Rule:

Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.

New Rule:

If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.

New Rule:

Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

New Rule:

There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

New Rule:

Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.

New Rule:

The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low, and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.

New Rule:

I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.

New Rule:

Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

New Rule:

Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."

New Rule:

I don't need a bigger mega M&Ms If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.

New Rule:

If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

New Rule:

No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

New Rule: and this one is long overdue:

No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.

New Rule:

When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

New Rule:

If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying" Do you want fries with that?"

[skiracer]

Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.

I was one of those unlucky kids. She was 24/25 and had dark hair and although not beautiful where you couldn't stop looking at her she was attractive. More attitude than beauty but very sensuous. I was 16 and it began in my senior year after a football rally. She offered to give me a ride home and we carried on intermittently throughout my senior year. She taught me the basics of the fruitfulness of being discreet. As a result of the relationship the only thing that ever felt traumatized on me was Mr. Eddie.

[riverbabe]

Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.

I was one of those unlucky kids. She was 24/25 and had dark hair and although not beautiful where you couldn't stop looking at her she was attractive. More attitude than beauty but very sensuous. I was 16 and it began in my senior year after a football rally. She offered to give me a ride home and we carried on intermittently throughout my senior year. She taught me the basics of the fruitfulness of being discreet. As a result of the relationship the only thing that ever felt traumatized on me was Mr. Eddie.

Good grief, Ski. It's 7:08 AM!!!! Have you been up drinking all night?

[Karel]

Good grief, Ski. It's 7:08 AM!!!! Have you been up drinking all night?

He must be more traumatized than he thinks!

Regards,

Karel

[skiracer]

Good grief, Ski. It's 7:08 AM!!!! Have you been up drinking all night?

River,

To nutty huh. Doug's list brought back a fond memory. That part about Mr. Eddie says something about my personality but was just joking around.
I'm usually up every morning around 5 am. I don't sleep that much. Never have and really do think it is a waste of your life. Sometimes earlier if I have to get something done to have ready for that coming day. I do stock research and I always like to read what the last or earliest posts were and had to comment on that item from that list.
I can still drink but could never make it through an entire night of drinking like that anymore and I might just be nuttier than Peanuts.

[riverbabe]

Argentina -- USA???

http://www.flixxy.com/the-truth.htm

[Rob]

No wonder the English language is so very difficult to learn.
I sometimes wonder how we manage to communicate at all!
We must polish the Polish furniture. He could lead if he would get the lead out. . . .

She had just charged the battery in her cell phone when she was arrested and charged with battery.

[IIC]

Did you know that everyday is a holiday?

February:

American Heart Month
An Affair to Remember Month
Black History Month
Canned Food Month
Creative Romance Month
Great American Pie Month
National Cherry Month
National Children’s Dental Health Month
National Grapefruit Month
National Weddings Month


3rd Week is International Flirting Week


Each Day:
1 National Freedom Day
2 Ground Hog Day
2 Candlemas
3 The Day the Music Died - Buddy Holly, Richie Valens and the Big Bopper died in a plane crash in 1959.
4 Create a Vacuum Day
4 Thank a Mailman Day
5 National Weatherman's Day
6 Lame Duck Day
7 Wave All you Fingers at Your Neighbor Day
7 Send a Card to a Friend Day - obviously created by a card company
8 Boy Scout Day - celebrates the birthday of scouting
8 Kite Flying Day - in the middle of winter!?!
9 Toothache Day
10 Umbrella Day
11 Don't Cry over Spilled Milk Day
11 Make a Friend Day
11 White T-Shirt Day
12 Abraham Lincoln's Birthday
12 Clean out Your Computer Day
12 Plum Pudding Day
13 Get a Different Name Day
14 Ferris Wheel Day
14 Valentine's Day
15 Candlemas - on the Julian Calendar
15 National Gum Drop Day
15 Singles Awareness Day
16 Do a Grouch a Favor Day
17 Random Acts of Kindness Day
18 National Battery Day
19 National Chocolate Mint Day
20 Cherry Pie Day
20 Hoodie Hoo Day
20 Love Your Pet Day
19 President's Day - third Monday of month
21 Card Reading Day
22 George Washington's Birthday
22 Be Humble Day
22 Walking the Dog Day
22 International World Thinking Day
23 International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day
23 Tennis Day
24 National Tortilla Chip Day
25 Pistol Patent Day
26 Carnival Day
26 National Pistachio Day - it's a nutty day!
26 Tell a Fairy Tale Day
27 Polar Bear Day
27 No Brainer Day - this day is for me!
28 Floral Design Day
28 Public Sleeping Day
28 National Tooth Fairy Day - and/or August 22 29 Leap Day (once every four years)

[IIC]

Did you know that everyday is a holiday?

February:

American Heart Month
An Affair to Remember Month
Black History Month
Canned Food Month
Creative Romance Month
Great American Pie Month
National Cherry Month
National Children’s Dental Health Month
National Grapefruit Month
National Weddings Month


3rd Week is International Flirting Week


Each Day:
1 National Freedom Day
2 Ground Hog Day
2 Candlemas
3 The Day the Music Died - Buddy Holly, Richie Valens and the Big Bopper died in a plane crash in 1959.
4 Create a Vacuum Day
4 Thank a Mailman Day
5 National Weatherman's Day
6 Lame Duck Day
7 Wave All you Fingers at Your Neighbor Day
7 Send a Card to a Friend Day - obviously created by a card company
8 Boy Scout Day - celebrates the birthday of scouting
8 Kite Flying Day - in the middle of winter!?!
9 Toothache Day
10 Umbrella Day
11 Don't Cry over Spilled Milk Day
11 Make a Friend Day
11 White T-Shirt Day
12 Abraham Lincoln's Birthday
12 Clean out Your Computer Day
12 Plum Pudding Day
13 Get a Different Name Day
14 Ferris Wheel Day
14 Valentine's Day
15 Candlemas - on the Julian Calendar
15 National Gum Drop Day
15 Singles Awareness Day
16 Do a Grouch a Favor Day
17 Random Acts of Kindness Day
18 National Battery Day
19 National Chocolate Mint Day
20 Cherry Pie Day
20 Hoodie Hoo Day
20 Love Your Pet Day
19 President's Day - third Monday of month
21 Card Reading Day
22 George Washington's Birthday
22 Be Humble Day
22 Walking the Dog Day
22 International World Thinking Day
23 International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day
23 Tennis Day
24 National Tortilla Chip Day
25 Pistol Patent Day
26 Carnival Day
26 National Pistachio Day - it's a nutty day!
26 Tell a Fairy Tale Day
27 Polar Bear Day
27 No Brainer Day - this day is for me!
28 Floral Design Day
28 Public Sleeping Day
28 National Tooth Fairy Day - and/or August 22 29 Leap Day (once every four years)

[IIC]

ATTENTION


ALIENS ARE COMING TO ABDUCT ALL THE GOOD LOOKING AND SEXY PEOPLE.

YOU WILL BE SAFE, I'M JUST POSTING THIS TO SAY GOODBYE

[Websman]

ATTENTION

ALIENS ARE COMING TO ABDUCT ALL THE GOOD LOOKING AND SEXY PEOPLE.

YOU WILL BE SAFE, I'M JUST POSTING THIS TO SAY GOODBYE

Doug? Doug?? DOUG!!!???

[IIC]

This test is designed to see if you're still the same as you were in high school. It was sent to me by a friend who was a college professor and he says it is amazingly accurate. Take it and see.

http://www.elks590.org:80/main/cooltest.htm