Fun Stuff...Off Topic(O/T)

[IIC]

And you wonder why you'll never be a billionaire....SssSssSssss!

And how do you know I'm not???

[IIC]

Top Ten Oddball Tax Deductions

by Peter Blank
Tuesday, March 20, 2007provided by
Sometimes, despite objections from IRS, taxpayers get to write off some oddball items. Here are some of our favorites.
Admit it. As you've worked on your return, trying to come up with extra deductions to pump up your refund, you've taken a few flights of fancy.
"Can I claim a deduction for all those blood donations at the Red Cross?" Nope.
"How about a charitable contribution for all the time I donate to the church?" No, again.
"Can I count the wedding gift for the boss's daughter as an employee business expense?" Come on!

More from Kiplinger's Personal Finance:

• Dial M for Mistake

• 13 Most Overlooked Deductions

• The Kiplinger Taxopedia


On the other hand, over the years your fellow taxpayers have beaten IRS in court on payments for many crazy things that most of us wouldn't even dream of claiming. We've uncovered what we think are the weirdest deductions allowed, ranging from pet food to free beer.
1. Pet Food
A couple who owned a junkyard were allowed to write off the cost of cat food they set out to attract wild cats. The feral felines did more than just eat. They also took care of snakes and rats on the property, making the place safer for customers. When the case reached the Tax Court, IRS lawyers conceded that the cost was deductible.
2. Moving the Family Pet
If you are changing jobs and meet a couple of tests, you can deduct your moving expenses -- including the cost of moving your dog, cat or other pet from your old residence to your new home. Your pet -- be it a Pekingese or a python -- is treated the same as your other personal effects.
3. A Trip to Bermuda
This island is more than just a scenic place to visit. It's a great place to schedule a tax write-off because business conventions held in Bermuda are deductible without having to show that there was a special reason for the meeting to be held there. That's a sweet perk.
Other countries in the Caribbean region qualify, too, including Barbados, Costa Rica, Dominica, the Dominican Republic, Grenada, Guyana, Honduras, Jamaica, Saint Lucia plus Trinidad and Tobago. Meetings held in Canada, Mexico and all U.S. possessions also receive this favorable tax treatment.
Attend a convention in Paris or Rome or Beijing, though, and there's no deduction unless you can show it made as much sense to travel abroad as to head to Pittsburgh.
4. Body Oil
A pro bodybuilder used body oil to make his muscles glisten in the lights during his competitions. The Tax Court ruled that he could deduct the cost of the oil as a business expense. However, the Court frowned on his deductions for buffalo meat and special vitamin supplements to enhance strength and muscle development.
5. A Private Airplane
Rather than drive five to seven hours to check on their rental condo or be tied to the only daily commercial flight available, a couple bought their own plane. The Tax Court allowed them to deduct their condo-related trips on the aircraft, including the cost of fuel and depreciation for the portion of time used for business-related purposes, even though these costs increased their overall rental loss.
6. Babysitting Fees
Fees paid to a sitter to enable a mother to get out of the house and do volunteer work for a charity are deductible as charitable contributions, according to the Tax Court, even though the money didn't go directly to the charity.
7. Breast Augmentation
To get more tips, a stripper with the stage name "Chesty Love" decided to get breast implants to make her a size 56-FF. A Tax Court judge allowed Chesty to write off the cost of her operation, equating her new, um, assets to a stage prop.
Alas, the operation proved to be a problem for Chesty. She later tripped and ruptured one of her implants.
8. Landscaping
A sole proprietor who regularly met clients in an office in his home can deduct part of the costs of landscaping the property. The deductible portion is based on the percentage of the home that is used for business, according to the Tax Court. The Court also allowed a deduction for part of the costs of lawn care and driveway repairs.
9. Free Beer
In a novel promotion, a gas station owner gave his customers free beer in lieu of trading stamps. Proving that sometimes beer and gasoline do mix, the Tax Court allowed the write-off as a business expense.
10. Swimming Pool
A taxpayer with emphysema put in a pool after his doctor told him to develop an exercise regime. He swam in it twice a day and improved his breathing capacity. Turns out he swam in the pool more than his family did.
The Tax Court allowed him to deduct the cost of the pool (to the extent the cost exceeded its added value to the property) as a medical expense because its primary purpose was for medical care. Also, the cost of heating the pool, pool chemicals and a proportionate part of insuring the pool area are treated as medical expenses.

[IIC]

The Oakland Raiders were nearly perfect (yep, it's fiction!); the only thing missing was a good quarterback.

The coach had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues,

but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl victory.



Then one night, while watching CNN, he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan.



In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm.

He threw a hand- grenade straight into a window from 80 yards away.

Then he threw another grenade from 50 yards down a chimney, and then hit a passing car going 80 miles per hour.

I've got to get this guy!" coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"



So, he brings the young Afghan to the States and teaches him the great game of football ......

and sure enough the Raiders go on to win the Super Bowl.



The young Afghan is hailed as a hero of football, and when the Coach asks him what he wants,

all the young man wants to do is call his mother.



"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"



"I don't want to talk to you," the old Muslim woman says.

"You disappointed us. You are not my son!"



"Mother, I don't think you understand," pleads the son,

"I've just won the greatest sporting event in the world!"



"No! Let me tell you," his mother retorts, "at this very moment there are gunshots all around us.

The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week,

and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get assaulted!"

The old lady pauses, then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to Oakland!"

[IIC]

Moe and Joe

Two 90 year old men, Moe and Joe, have been friends all of
their lives.

When it's clear that Joe is dying, Moe visits him every day.
One day Moe says, 'Joe, we both loved baseball all our lives, and we
played minor league ball together for so many years. Please do me one
favor, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's
baseball up there.'

Joe looks up at Moe from his death bed,' Moe, you've been my
best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor
for you.

Shortly after that, Joe passes on.

At midnight a couple of nights later, Moe is awakened from a
sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out
to him, ' Moe--Moe.'

'Who is it?, asks Moe sitting up suddenly. 'Who is it?'

'Moe--it's me, Joe.'

'You're not Joe. Joe just died.'

'I'm telling you, it's me, Joe,' insists the voice.

'Joe! Where are you?'

'In heaven', replies Joe. 'I have some really good news and
a little bad news.'

'Tell me the good news first,' says Moe.

'The good news,' Joe says,' is that there's baseball in
heaven. Better yet, all of our old buddies who died before
us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again.
Better still, it's always spring time and it never rains or
snows. And best of all, we can play baseball all we want,
and we never get tired.'

'That's fantastic,' says Moe. 'It's beyond my wildest
dreams!

So what could possibly be the bad news?'

'You're pitching Tuesday.'

[IIC]

Why sentence structure is so important


The boss had to fire somebody, and he narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.

Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin. The boss approached her and said: "Debra, I've never done this before but I have to lay you or Jack off."

"Could you jack off?" she says. "I feel like shit..."

[Lyehopper]

Why sentence structure is so important


The boss had to fire somebody, and he narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.

Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin. The boss approached her and said: "Debra, I've never done this before but I have to lay you or Jack off."

"Could you jack off?" she says. "I feel like shit..."

Doug.... I have laughed so hard at this that my freakin' head hurts....LOL!!!!

[peanuts]

You can't handle the truth

Straight answers from Global Century Investments:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=iSoecK3u65Q

[billyjoe]

Peanuts,
My broker was more honest than that ..................NOT !!!

----------billyjoe

[peanuts]

Peanuts,
My broker was more honest than that ..................NOT !!!

----------billyjoe

I can watch that clip 50 times in a row and still laugh.

[IIC]

Photograph Superman in different cities:

http://hk.promo.yahoo.com/movie/superman/Stop_Press_Game/

[billyjoe]

Musicians and singers -----Like father, like son or daughter

Frank Sinatra-----Frank Jr., Nancy Sinatra
Hank Williams-----Hank Jr.
Hank Williams11----Hank Williams 111
John Riatt--------Bonnie Riatt
Johnny Burnette--Rocky Burnette
Tim Buckley------Jeff Buckley
Ed Cassidy(Spirit)---Randy California (Spirit) stepson
Randy Bachman(Guess Who, Bachman Turner Overdrive)---Tal Bachman
Brian Wilson(Beach Boys)---Carney Wilson,Wendy Wilson (Wilson Phillips)
John Phillips (Mamas Poppas)---Chynna Phillips (Wilson Phillips)
Elvis Presley------Lisa Marie Presley
Bob Dylan--------Jakob Dylan (Wallflowers)
John Bonham (Led Zeppelin)----Jason Bonham (Foreigner)
John Lennon (Beatles)------Julian Lennon, Sean Lennon
Ringo Star (Beatles)-----Zack Starkey (Who)

I thought these up real fast. Please ad more that you can think of.

------------billyjoe

[Rob]

Johannes Sebastian Bach -----> Johannes Christian Bach

Ozzy Osbourne -----> Kelly Osbourne

[riverbabe]

Nat King Cole ---Natalie Cole
Judy Garland ---Liza Minelli

[jiesen]

Johannes Sebastian Bach -----> Johannes Christian Bach

Ozzy Osbourne -----> Kelly Osbourne

http://www.heferito.com/OzzyAnthem.mp3

Do you realize you just accused this guy of being able to sing?
(Kelly is only marginally better)

[jiesen]

Ellis Marsalis, Jr.

and his sons:

Wynton Marsalis
Branford Marsalis
Delfeayo Marsalis
Jason Marsalis

Now these guys are musicians.