Fun Stuff...Off Topic(O/T)

[microchips]

Just a lull ??

Micro cleaning up your act eh? LOL Gezzzz every time I crack a joke or 2 in here ....I get the electric chair .....Have a good day mate!

Pete, whilst we were on the naughty step the " Doris " and myself decided to book a holiday to Tenerife to help get over the harsh punishment handed out to ourselves so i decided to try a different set of jokes and look what happens; River bless her didn't understand the George Micheal joke and had to Google part of it !! so the next batch who knows.. lol....

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Another quickie as George said to the copper.
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Only the other day i was at the petrol station when all of a sudden i became

all emotional and started to cry!! i don't know why ,what was up with me!!

i just couldn't help FILLING UP

[IIC]

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
- Andy Rooney


A great alternative to body scanners at airports

The Israelis are developing an airport security device that eliminates the privacy concerns that come with full-body scanners at the airports.
It's a booth you can step into that will not X-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on you. They see this as a win-win for everyone, with none of the whining about racial profiling. It also would eliminate the costs of long and expensive trials. Justice would be swift. Case closed!
You're in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion. Shortly thereafter an announcement comes over the PA system: "Attention standby passengers — we now have a seat available on flight number ____. Shalom."

[IIC]

TSA installs new signs at the airport

[wooish]

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
- Andy Rooney


A great alternative to body scanners at airports

The Israelis are developing an airport security device that eliminates the privacy concerns that come with full-body scanners at the airports.
It's a booth you can step into that will not X-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on you. They see this as a win-win for everyone, with none of the whining about racial profiling. It also would eliminate the costs of long and expensive trials. Justice would be swift. Case closed!
You're in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion. Shortly thereafter an announcement comes over the PA system: "Attention standby passengers — we now have a seat available on flight number ____. Shalom."

They gotta make sure that the booth is enclosed in a bomb-proofed enclosure so that if a bomb is triggered it doesn't kill anyone else.

[IIC]

They gotta make sure that the booth is enclosed in a bomb-proofed enclosure so that if a bomb is triggered it doesn't kill anyone else.

Have the booth way over at the far end of the parking lot

[Peter Hansen]

The tsa song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9a8jGVXOMsw

[microchips]

George had soap on a rope!!!

In North Korea a dog is not just for Christmas....

It"s for sandwiches on Boxing Day as well

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Snow eh? the weather lady said she was expecting 8inches tonight!!

I thought to myself, " She will be lucky with a face like that".

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Neighbours are supposed to look after one another in this bad weather.

The 85 year old lady who lives next door hasn't been round to see me once.

She hasn"t even bothered to take her milk in for five days the lazy old cow!!

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Dr Smith sleeps with one of his patients in a weak moment. He is tortured

with guilt. In one ear his conscience is saying.You re a single man.Don't worry

about it.........In the other ear his conscience is saying......Your a bloody sick

Vet you bastard!!!!!!!!!...

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Sex therapists say the most effective way a woman can arouse a man is to

spend ten minutes licking his ears!!!

Personally myself i think it"s bollocks....
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Wife walks into the bedroom and says," Tonight I'm going to make you the

happiest man alive".

Husband replies " Stop messing about who"s going to help you pack at this

time of the NIGHT!!!.
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Ps River if you need any help understanding any of the above please ask..lol

[microchips]

Dipping your "Pinkies"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9a8jGVXOMsw

Pete:Nice to see your back to this thread although rather tamely lol. are

you just testing the water with your pinkies to see if the coast is clear??

[Peter Hansen]

Micro

Pete:Nice to see your back to this thread although rather tamely lol. are

you just testing the water with your pinkies to see if the coast is clear??

Mic after your previous set of jokes ..I want to see how long you will last LOL
Don't worry about river getting the joke ....more important if Karel doesn't get it LOL!

[donlmc]

TSA Japan

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http://www.breitbart.tv/tsa-groping-lampooned-on-japanese-tv/

[Peter Hansen]

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http://www.breitbart.tv/tsa-groping-...n-japanese-tv/

Don Funny Post ........LMAO !

[Peter Hansen]

WIKI-Leaks!

Geeeeeeeeez how can we prevent another release of highly sensitive documents ? Perhaps the answer lies here:
If our government really wants to keep top secret documents classified, they should be kept in the same place that Obama's college transcripts and birth certificate are kept.

[Peter Hansen]

Oh my achin' BAL**

Arkansas Democrat Gazette]:



Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis , 38, of Little Rock , were returning to Des Arc after a frog-catching trip. On an overcast Sunday night, Poole 's pickup truck headlights malfunctioned.

The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the ..22 caliber bullets from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering-wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet the headlights again began to operate properly, and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White River Bridge .

After traveling approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged and struck Poole in the testicles. The vehicle swerved sharply right, exited the pavement, and struck a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident but will require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his testicles, which will never operate as intended.

Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released. "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off, or we might be dead," stated Wallis
"I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how this accident happened," said Snyder .

Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia ( Poole 's wife) asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck?




Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their misadventure as normally required by Darwin Award Official Rules, it can be argued that Poole did in fact effectively remove himself from the gene pool.

[steelman]

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http://www.breitbart.tv/tsa-groping-...n-japanese-tv/

That's hilarious. I almost peed my pants. I am going to borrow this one, and post in on my fb page. Thanks for the morning laugh.

[steelman]

Geeeeeeeeez how can we prevent another release of highly sensitive documents ? Perhaps the answer lies here:
If our government really wants to keep top secret documents classified, they should be kept in the same place that Obama's college transcripts and birth certificate are kept.

hahhahhahahahahhhahahahahah That's great Pete.

Did you see this? http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/blog/big...urn=mlb-292970

I just became a huge fan of Luke Scott