Tweet
"be a little gay"?????? Huh???? So they enouraged the wife to go both ways??? WOW!!! COOL!!!!
-
-
AHA! Rubber Cement!
Ah yes RubberCement does "CUM" in Handy LOL
Comment
-
Jigsaw
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle and I can't figure out how to get it started. Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger. "Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He held her hand softly, led her to a chair and said, "Secondly, I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a cup of coffee, and then. ... "He sighed, "let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."Trade What Is Happening...Not What You Think Is Gonna Happen"
Find Tomorrow's Winners At SharpTraders.com
Follow Me On TwitterComment
-
FREE Electricity
Check this out , soon you will be able to buy PODS that can harness SOLAR Energy right outside your home to provide FREE electrical power !
I once went to a Trick & Pony Show where the presenter said he had a machine that put out more energy than u put in. Elementary physics says that is IMPOSSIBLE. I was supposed to get a FREE machine that would do this ....I am still waiting LOL !
Anyway these pods do sound credible because they just use solar energy to make electricity!
CHECK IT OUT ,and explore the links ....interesting info!
Comment
-
Are you in the 7 % ?
Words of wisdom from a wise older woman !
Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio
"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written."
My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5.. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's,we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."
Its estimated 93% won't forward this. If you are one of the 7% who will, forward this with the title '7%'.
I'm in the 7%.
Remember that I will always share my spoon with you!
Friends are the family that we choose for ourselves.Comment
-
A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend. They "entertain themselves" for hours, and afterwards, while they are just laying there, the phone rings. Since it's her house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover watches her and listens intently, only hearing her side of the conversation. Speaking in a cheery voice, she says, "Hello? Oh, hi! I'm so glad you called. Really? That is wonderful! I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific! Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye bye. She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?" "Oh," she replies, "that was my husband. He was telling me all about the wonderful time he is having on his fishing trip with you.""Trade What Is Happening...Not What You Think Is Gonna Happen"
Find Tomorrow's Winners At SharpTraders.com
Follow Me On TwitterComment
-
The Golden Years !
Yesterday I got Preparation "H" mixed up with Poligrip.
NOW I TALK LIKE AN ASSHOLE........BUT MY GUMS DON'T ITCH !Comment
-
Let's Be Fair!
In all fairness to Governor Mark Sanford and what he told his staff while heading out of town last week:
"I'm getting some Argentinian Tail" and "I'm getting on the Appalachian Trail" sounds about the same on a fuzzy satellite phone.Comment
-
Dumping our 3 SUV's http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAqPMJFaEdY"Trade What Is Happening...Not What You Think Is Gonna Happen"
Find Tomorrow's Winners At SharpTraders.com
Follow Me On TwitterComment
-
My son attached a digital camera to the bottom of his RC plane and made this film. The local school board owns 200 acres in my back yard. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_6Sh-LnCdU
-------------billyComment
-
That was very, very cool. Good landing!Comment
-
Secret Phone Codes
These codes with cut through all the BS and get ya a real human voice!
Comment
-
Interesting!
In the
1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed
to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb.
Hence we have 'the rule
of thumb'
------------
--------- --------- --------- ----
Many years ago in
Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen
Only...Ladies Forbidden'.. .and thus, the word GOLF entered
into the English language.
------------
--------- --------- --------- ----
The first couple to
be shown in bed together on prime time TV was Fred and Wilma
Flintstone.
------------
--------- --------- --------- ----
Every day more money
is printed for Monopoly than the U.S..
Treasury.
------------
-- ------------ --------- --------
Men can read smaller
print than women can; women can hear better.
------------
--------- --------- --------- ----
Coca-Cola was
originally green.
------------
--------- --------- --------- ----
It is impossible to lick
your elbow.
------------
--------- --------- --------- ----
The State with the
highest percentage of people who walk to work:
Alaska
------------
--------- --------- --------- ----
The percentage of
Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get
this...)
------------
--------- --------- --------- ----
The percentage of
North America that is wilderness: 38%
------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------
The cost of raising
a medium-size dog to the age of eleven:
$ 16,400
------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------
The average number
of people airborne over the U.S. in any given
hour:
61,000
------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------
Intelligent people
have more zinc and copper in their hair..
------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------
The first novel ever
written on a typewriter, Tom Sawyer.
------------
-- ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
--------- -
The San Francisco
Cable cars are the only mobile National
Monuments.
------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------
Each king in a deck
of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs -Alexander,
the Great
Diamonds - Julius
Caesar
------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------
111,111,111 x
111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987, 654,321
------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------
If a statue in the
park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air,
the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in
the air, the person died because of wounds received in battle.
If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died
of natural causes
------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------
Only two people
signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4, John Hancock
and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but
the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------
Q. Half of all
Americans live within 50 miles of what?
= A. Their birthplace
------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------
Q. Most boat owners
name their boats. What is the most popular boat name
requested?
A.
Obsession
------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------
Q.. If you were to
spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you
would find the letter 'A'?
A. One
thousand
------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------
Q. What do
bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser
printers have in common?
A. All were invented
by women.
------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------
Q. What is the only
food that doesn't spoil?
A.
Honey
------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------
Q. Which day are
there more collect calls than any other day of the
year?
A. Father's
Day
------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
---
In Shakespeare's
time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.
When you pulled on the ropes, the mattress tightened,
making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the
phrase...'Goodnight , sleep tight'
------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------
It was the accepted
practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the
wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with
all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because
their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the
honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.
------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------
In English pubs, ale
is ordered by pints and quarts... So in oldEngland , when
customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them 'Mind
your pints and quarts, and settle down.'
It's where we get
the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's'
------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------
Many years ago in
England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or
handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill ,
they used the whistle to get some service. 'Wet your whistle'
is the phrase inspired by this practice.
------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------
At least 75% of
people who read this will try to lick their
elbow!
------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------
-
Don't delete this
just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you can read
it.
I cdnuolt blveiee
taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The
phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at
Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the
ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the
first and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a
taotl mses and you can still raed it wouthit a porbelm. This
is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by
istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?
------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------
YOU
KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2009 when...
1. You accidentally
enter your PIN on the microwave..
2. You haven't
played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list
of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of
three.
4. You e-mail the
person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for
not staying in touch with friends and family is that they
don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in
your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is
home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial
on television has a web -site at the bottom of the screen.
8.. Leaving the house
without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first
20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic
and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in
the morning and go on-line before getting your
coffee
11. You start
tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
12 You're reading
this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you
know exactly to whom you are going to forward this
message.
14. You are too busy
to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually
scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this
list
~~~~~~~~~~~AND
FINALLY~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
NOW U R LAUGHING at
yourself.
Go on, forward this
to your friends. You know you want to! Go lick your
elbow.
__________________________________________________ __________Comment
-
Aphorisms
APHORISM: A SHORT, POINTED SENTENCE EXPRESSING A WISE OR CLEVER OBSERVATION OR A GENERAL TRUTH.
1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always
starts tomorrow.
2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make
him wag his tail.
3. If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't
have any sense at all.
4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in
deep water.
6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is
afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay
out all night?
7. Business conventions are important because they
demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than
everyone else looks?
9. Scratch a cat and you will have a permanent job.
10. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants
to buy a car.
11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more
publicity.
12. There are worse things than getting a caller with a wrong
number at 4 AM.
- Like this: It could be a right number.
13. No one ever says 'It's only a game.' when their team is
winning.
14. I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.
15. Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're
going to like it.
16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has
the same size bucket.
17. Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have
thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?(And rap
music will be the Golden Oldies !
18.. Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more
comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in a Yugo.
19. After 60, if you don't wake up aching in every joint,
you are probably dead!
Always be yourself. Because the people that matter, don't
mind. And the one's that mind, don't matter.
99 percent of Politicians give the rest a bad name.Comment
-
" Its impossible to lick yoir elbow" I would be willing to bet Gene Simmons could do it.
Comment
Comment