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Football .....yes!
Football, rah rah, cis boom ba! Here is my pick!
Football, rah rah, cis boom ba! Here is my pick!
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NO Flu Shot For Ms Beatrice!
Better than a Flu
Shot!
Miss Beatrice,
The church organist,
Was in her eighties
And had never been married. She was
admired for her sweetness
And kindness to all.
One afternoon the pastor
Came to call on her and she showed him
into her quaint sitting room.
She invited him to have a seat while
she prepared tea...
As he sat facing her old Hammond
organ,
The young minister
Noticed a cut glass
bowl Sitting on top of it.
The bowl was filled
With water, and in the
water
Floated, of all things, a
condom!
When she returned
With tea and
scones,
They began to chat.
The pastor tried to stifle his
curiosity
About the bowl of water and its
strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer
resist.
'Miss Beatrice', he said,
'I wonder if you would tell me about
this?'
Pointing to the bowl.
'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it
wonderful?
I was walking through
The Park a few months ago
And I found this little package on the
ground.
The directions said
To place it on the organ,
Keep it wet and that it would prevent
the spread of disease.. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter.
If you don't send
this
To five GOOD
friends
Right away
There will be
Five fewer people
Smiling in the
world.Comment
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Liberalism Vs Conservatism!
Whether you're "liberal" or "conservative," this is an interesting list:
If a conservative doesn’t like guns, he doesn`t buy one.
If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.
If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn`t eat meat.
If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.
If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy.
A liberal wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good.
If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.
If a black man or Hispanic are conservative, they see themselves as independently successful.
Their liberal counterparts see themselves as victims in need of government protection.
If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.
If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn’t go to church.
A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.
If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.
If a conservative slips and falls in a store, he gets up, laughs and is embarrassed.
If a liberal slips and falls, he grabs his neck, moans like he's in labor and then sues.
If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.
A liberal will delete it because he's "offended".Comment
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Marriage
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin;they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy.If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas
The great question... Which I have not been able to answer...Is, "What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud
I had some words with my wife and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henry Youngman
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking.It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran
"I've had bad luck with both my wives.The first one left me and the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Anonymous
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"Second Guy "You're lucky, mine's still alive.""Trade What Is Happening...Not What You Think Is Gonna Happen"
Find Tomorrow's Winners At SharpTraders.com
Follow Me On TwitterComment
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Doug,
They were all good . The one's by Henny Youngman, Rodney Dangerfield , and Sam Kinison were the best. If my wife reads this I'm toast.
------------billyComment
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God & Harley Davidson " Amen Brother"
Harley-Davidson Facts
The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson , died and went to heaven.
At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur . 'Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles
Have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven.'
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, ' I want to hang out with God.'
St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.
God recognized Arthur and commented, 'Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle? '
Arthur said, 'Yeah, that's me...'
God commented: 'Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?'
Arthur was a bit embarrassed, but finally spoke, 'Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?'
God said, 'Ah, yes.'
'Well,' said Arthur , professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention !
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end suspension
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds
3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble about too much
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust.
5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!
'Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there,' replied God, 'hold on.'
God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.
The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.
'Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,' God said to Arthur , 'but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours'.Comment
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Why Do Women HATE Football?
Here is one example LOL!
Comment
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Throw the bums out!
Election is TODAY 11/3/09.....DO your part and vote. Al Thomas in an email message to me from his publication ,"Over my shoulder" says ,
"Greetings
Today is important financially. There are key elections that will tell the
Washington inmates how the voters feel about what they have been doing to the
country. If you are at all concerned about the financial health of the economy you
will vote for a conservative candidate. I don't care if it is Dem or Republican. Be
sure they are against so-called "health care" and cap and trade. These two will
bury the country.
There is going to be a gathering on the steps of Congress Thursday. Nothing
official. Hopefully tens of thousands will come there and they are asking each person
to buttonhole their rep. to let them know they are against the nonsense these people
are doing. The Dems are completely ignoring phone and email messages. You have
to eyeball these corrupt politicians. They think we are all stupid. Do it.
Yesterday was weird action. Huge early rally then a hundred point break and then
a later rally to close higher. The high yesterday was not higher than last week's high. It
looked weak to me. I am getting anxious to establish a bear position. The election
outcome today might be the event to break the market. I said MIGHT.
Everyone (almost everyone) thinks the dollar is going in the toilet, but it has
broken out of the long down trendline of UP. I bought a small position today with
a close stop.
Try to find Glenn Beck on your radio in the morning. He is now on FOX -TV
at 5:00PM ET He is not a Republican or Democrat and takes both sides to the woodshed."Comment
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It's amazing how 1 political party and 1 network can be right 100% of the time and others 100% wrong. Has this ever happened before? Maybe in Germany starting in the 1930's. Oh well, just so it is good for our country that's all that matters.
----------billyComment
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George Carlin was some kind of genius. May be some offensive language in this. http://biggeekdad.com/2009/10/saving-the-planet/
----------billyComment
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WSJ Says Healthcare bill WORST EVER!
The Wall Street Journal says the current healthcare proposal is the worst ever....and can you believe it just PASSED the House over the objections of so many people. I say "throw all the bums out" .the people have had enough!
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Simple Math Test
Take this MATH test, and if completed ACCURATELY It will predict your favorite Book .....MINE was "The God Father"
The TEST should take about 30 Seconds
Try it without looking at the answers till your done doing the math.
Really amazing! It works!
Pick a number from 1 - 9.
Multiply by 3.
Add 3.
Then multiply by 3 again.
You will get your answer by adding the two digits together to find your all time favorite movie.
It is:
1. Gone with the Wind.
2. Aliens.
3. Godfather
4. Star Wars
5. Forrest Gump.
6. Saving Private Ryan.
7. Jaws.
8. Grease.
9. The Joy of Anal Sex with Male Goats & Leather Clad Gay Boys.
10. Mary Poppins.Comment
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Real funny , Pete
-------billyComment
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oh sh@t, too funny. ha haBest,
Steel
It's time to Grab the Bull by the Horns!Comment
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