Fun Stuff...Off Topic(O/T)

[IIC]

Banister of Life: As You Slide Down the Banister of Life, Remember



1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."



2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.



3. The difference between the Pope and your boss, the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.



4. My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it is gone.



5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.



6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.



7. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.



8. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.



9. My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a large trash can.



10. A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid."



11. My neighbor was bitten by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told him rabies could be treated, and he didn't have to worry about a Will. He said, "Will? What Will? I'm making a list of the people I want to bite."



12. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment...for enjoying sex.



13. As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.

[MEA_1956]

O Boy

I finely have something to brag about. The little town of Hastings NE just won an award for being the GREENEST town in the U.S. The contest was sponsered by Yahoo. com. and we received a check for $250.000 and all the hoopla that goes with it. Well thats my two cents for the next a month or two. Marlin

[IIC]

I finely have something to brag about. The little town of Hastings NE just won an award for being the GREENEST town in the U.S. The contest was sponsered by Yahoo. com. and we received a check for $250.000 and all the hoopla that goes with it. Well thats my two cents for the next a month or two. Marlin

I have been to Hastings...One of my friends in college was from there and I spent the weekend at his parent's house circa 1972.

Also, my Main Squeeze in college was from Loomis

[IIC]

Subject: Redneck Momma



A woman walks into the downtown welfare office,
trailed by 15 kids.

"WOW," the social worker exclaims, "are they ALL YOURS???"

"Yep they are all mine," the flustered momma sighs,
having heard that question a thousand times before.

She says, "Sit down Leroy."

All the children rush to find seats.

"Well," says the social worker, "then you must be
here to sign up. I'll need all your children's names."

"This one's my oldest - he is Leroy."

"OK, and who's next?"

"Well, this one he is Leroy, also."

The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues.
One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Leroy.

Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named
Leighroy! "All right," says the caseworker. "I'm seeing a
pattern here. Are they ALL named Leroy?"

Their Momma replied, "Well, yes-it makes it easier.
When it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I
yell, 'Leroy!' 'An' when it's time for dinner, I just
yell 'Leroy!' an' they all comes arunnin 'An' if I need to stop the kid who's
running into the street, I just yell 'Leroy' and all of them stop.
It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin' them all Leroy."

The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then
wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, "But what if you
just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?"

"I call them by their last names"

[billyjoe]

Yesterday, the 4th of July , was more historic than most of us realize. Apparently more beers were consumed than on any single day in our nation's history. Had I known, I would have contributed to the total. All I did was eat home-made ice cream. I'll bet some of the forum members made up for my lack of patriotism. Not to mention any names, but Ray (RL) and Ski, would you have any idea what I'm talking about?

------------billyjoe

[IIC]

Yesterday, the 4th of July , was more historic than most of us realize. Apparently more beers were consumed than on any single day in our nation's history. Had I known, I would have contributed to the total. All I did was eat home-made ice cream. I'll bet some of the forum members made up for my lack of patriotism. Not to mention any names, but Ray (RL) and Ski, would you have any idea what I'm talking about?

------------billyjoe

Bad news Billy...I've noticed this recently too at the local Jr. Market:

Ethanol leads to increased beer cost

http://www.denverpost.com/headlines/ci_6300143



.

[billyjoe]

Is that why it tastes funny? I thought my taste buds were going bad.

-------------billyjoe

[riverbabe]

A New Element Has Been Discovered

A NEW ELEMENT HAS BEEN DISCOVERED


This hurricane mess and gasoline issues are proof that it exists.
A major research institution has recently announced the discovery
of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element
has been named "Governmentium" - GOV for short. GOV has one
neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198
assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons,
which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles
called peons. Since GOV has no electrons, it is inert. However,
it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which
it comes into contact. A minute amount of GOV causes one action
to take over four days to complete, when it would normally take
less than a second. GOV has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does
not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a
portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange
places. In fact, GOV's mass will actually increase overtime, since
each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons,
forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads
some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever
morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical
quantity is referred to as Critical Morass. When catalyzed with
money, Governmentium becomes Administratium - an element
which radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it
has half as many peons, but twice as many morons.

If you are not clear on this explanation of Governmentium, just
send a copy this to your Senators and Congressman, and ask for
a more detailed explanation from a "Special Committee on Elements".
You should receive an interesting reply in about four years.

[mimo_100]

A NEW ELEMENT HAS BEEN DISCOVERED


This hurricane mess and gasoline issues are proof that it exists.
A major research institution has recently announced the discovery
of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element
has been named "Governmentium" - GOV for short. GOV has one
neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198
assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons,
which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles
called peons. Since GOV has no electrons, it is inert. However,
it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which
it comes into contact. A minute amount of GOV causes one action
to take over four days to complete, when it would normally take
less than a second. GOV has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does
not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a
portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange
places. In fact, GOV's mass will actually increase overtime, since
each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons,
forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads
some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever
morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical
quantity is referred to as Critical Morass. When catalyzed with
money, Governmentium becomes Administratium - an element
which radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it
has half as many peons, but twice as many morons.

If you are not clear on this explanation of Governmentium, just
send a copy this to your Senators and Congressman, and ask for
a more detailed explanation from a "Special Committee on Elements".
You should receive an interesting reply in about four years.

Hey River,

I wonder if the neutrino detectors on the floor of Lake Erie would have the ability to sniff this out.

http://www-personal.umich.edu/~lpt/erie.htm

B))T

[Peter Hansen]

Slick Near Beer Commercial

Funny commercial:

http://www.dailymotion.com/videos/relevance/search/monica_homesweethome/1

[riverbabe]

Hey River,

I wonder if the neutrino detectors on the floor of Lake Erie would have the ability to sniff this out.

http://www-personal.umich.edu/~lpt/erie.htm

B))T

Mimo, I had no idea that this detector existed under Fairport Harbor! I've been down in the salt mines around Cleveland with the Cleveland Engineering Society! Quite an experience being a mile underground in all those tunnels. Nice and cool down there. How did you know about the neutrino detector in Fairport? I'm impressed!

[mimo_100]

Mimo, I had no idea that this detector existed under Fairport Harbor! I've been down in the salt mines around Cleveland with the Cleveland Engineering Society! Quite an experience being a mile underground in all those tunnels. Nice and cool down there. How did you know about the neutrino detector in Fairport? I'm impressed!

I remember reading about Supernova 1987A. Scientists said it was the most significant scientific event of the century. But no one “talked” about it in the media. Here is a link to a TIME magazine article. Page 3 talks about the neutrino detector under Lake Erie.

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,963820,00.html

Can you feel those neutrinos wizzing by right now, passing through us? No matter how you try to avoid them, they will get you.

T ]: B

[Peter Hansen]

Pizza With Extra Cheese .....and Please Hurry!

http://uploads.atomfilms.com/clip.aspx?key=0594AEE8742FE4AC

[Peter Hansen]

Thank God For Sony!

Cute Video !

http://www.searchforvideo.com/watchclip.php?title=When+A+Japanese+Is+Born&link=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.metacafe.com%2Fwatch%2F168571%2Fwhen_a_japanese_is_born%2F&description=When+A+Japanese+Is+Born&source=Metacafe+-+All+Videos&image=http%3A%2F%2Fimages.metacafe.com%2Fthumb%2F168571%2F1067217%2F4%2Frss_feed5%2F0%2Fwhen_a_japanese_is_born.jpg&category=search&searchterm=when+japanese+baby+is

[IIC]

DAY TRADING QUOTE #1

"If you dont know what you are doing, doing nothing is better than doing you know what" - Trader Jack
DAY TRADING QUOTE #2

"Trade what you see, Not what you think"
DAY TRADING QUOTE #3

"Most traders take a good system and destroy it by trying to make it into a perfect system."
DAY TRADING QUOTE #4

"If you're going to panic, panic early."
DAY TRADING QUOTE #5

"If you look around the table and don't see a sucker, then you are the sucker."
DAY TRADING QUOTE #6

"If you find yourself in the bottom of a deep hole, the first thing to do is stop digging."
DAY TRADING QUOTE #7

"The system wasn't designed so that most people could beat it."
DAY TRADING QUOTE #8

"At all levels of play the secret of success lies not so much in playing well as in not playing badly."
DAY TRADING QUOTE #9

"The key is consistency and discipline. Almost anybody can make up a list of rules that are 80% as good as what we taught. What they can't do is give (people) the confidence to stick to those rules even when things are going bad." Richard Dennis, on Turtle Trading
DAY TRADING QUOTE #10

"The opportunity of a lifetime must be seized during the lifetime of the opportunity." -Leonard Ravenhill
DAY TRADING QUOTE #11

"Experienced traders control risk, inexperienced traders chase gains." -Alan Farley
DAY TRADING QUOTE #12

"The market can remain irrational longer than you can remain solvent" - John Maynard Keynes
DAY TRADING QUOTE #13

"My first rule is not to lose money. Losing an opportunity is minor in comparison, because there are always new opportunities around the corner." - Burt Dohmen
DAY TRADING QUOTE #14

"We must remove the emotional element as quickly as possible in trading. If you can do it before you put on a position, you have a good start."
DAY TRADING QUOTE #15

"There are only 3 rules...Rule number 1:- Don't lose money. Rule number 2:- don't forget rule number 1. Rule number 3:- the only thing you should be holding overnight is your XXXX." Trader Jack